The View From Here

A New Year

2012-01-02T13:36:00.000-05:00

As I've grown older and more cynical- January1st has become a day like any other. So it marks the first day of a new year-who cares? It's just another holiday where we indulge in food, drink and overcommercialization, right? To top things off, we set a bunch of lofty goalsabout our lives and waistlines, only to forget about them by the end ofJanuary.

Someof us jump into the New Year and all of its shiny newness with a sense of hope,while us pragmatists scoff at the entire idea and just drag our sorry buttsfrom one year into the next.

I'dlike this year to be different. There are so many things I would like toaccomplish; so many ideas I would like to see into fruition. This year Isee a need for some serious change to take place, and while I don't believethat the New Year will magically usher in that change; I have decided to use itas a symbolic motivator.

Here's to a trulyNew Year. Cheers!

Nostalgia

2011-12-27T15:59:00.000-05:00

I've said it before, but this space is long overdue for a face-lift. As far as my profile is concerned, I still live in Shanghai China and am "loving the adventure" there. The fact is I live in Royal Oak Michigan, and I can't come close to a similar sentiment regarding loving or adventure here.

While I recognize that this was part of my life and that I need to move forward, I am feeling strangely nostalgic these days. As I sit here contemplating how to approach the changes needed, I feel slightly tempted to leave this blog as it is and just start a new one. I have moments where I embrace the new and look forward to what will come, but I admit that those are few and far between right now.

It feels like I've taken a step back recently. We moved back to the US over eight months ago, and instead of feeling all settled in and ready to ride this wave, I find my thoughts going toward the what ifs. What if we had stayed in Shanghai? What if we could go back? What if? What if? What if? It's unexpected and frustrating. I figured I would have gone through these thoughts and emotions in the beginning of repatriation--not eight months after moving back to my home country. I can psychoanalyze it to the nth degree, but I have decided to take a less painful approach and simply accept this as part of the process and try to understand it a little better.

This brings me to a note about our culture. So much of our culture is built around the worship of organization and methodology. We focus on minimizing risk, surprise, and failure. We like to know what to expect. We deal in measurable equations. We create routines, organize our families, schedule every moment of our time; and as a result we live with a sense that we are in control. Culture shock, repatriation, and reverse culture shock have been analyzed, written about, and placed into neat little stages. We have even staged grief as a process with the intent of better understanding and therefore equipping.

As a product of this culture, I found myself entangled in a web of thought surrounding repatriation and its stages. Whether conscious or not, I spent a great deal of time and energy wondering if my experience was normal, if I was in the right stage or if I was spending too much time in a particular stage. Somewhere along my thought path, I decided that I was taking far too long to move on and growing more frustrated with each day.

After a bit of reflection (thanks to Aimee Mann and Starbucks), I have come to a fairly simple realization about this whole process. I was hoping to come back, struggle a little, write about it, and then get over it and move on. I wanted a nice neat little package that I could go through with predictable results. For a variety of reasons- this has not been my reality or experience.

I have had to remind myself that I spent more than half of my married life in Shanghai. I lived, worked, and built relationships there. I learned the language, studied the culture, and traveled the land. In my attempt to live as fully as any foreigner can, China became part of me in more ways than I realized. I suppose I expected to come back, shed that part of me and meld into the community around me. Instead, I have been left with the realization that I need to find a way for the whole me to fit into the new reality in which I live.

Times Two

2011-12-27T12:40:00.000-05:00

When the boys were born, I received an adorable little frame that read "Twins are Love Times Two". While putting laundry away the other day, I spotted the frame and thought back to the time when I placed their newborn photo inside. I wondered if that person had any idea what she would face two years down the road? I occasionally meet people in public who tell me how doubly blessed I am or how fortunate I am to have twins. I feel a pang of guilt as I fill in the phrase with my new updated versions "Twins are Vomit Times Two, Twins are Snotty Noses Times Two, Twins are Screaming and Waking All Night Times Two". But the guilt gets swept away by a little chuckle.

The last month has been a blur of runny noses, ear infections, coughing fits, vomit, diarrhea, ER visits, and countless calls to the pediatrician. Now that health has returned and life has approached our version of "normal" once again, I am content to stay right here.

Chronicles of the Trash Heap

2011-11-30T21:42:00.001-05:00

Returning to this blog after such an extended absence feels a bitlike climbing into my bed after a long journey away. It's comfortable andfamiliar, but strange and surreal at the same time. It makes me feel like I'vebeen tossing about in beds that weren't quite right. Returning to thefamiliarity of this space simply illuminates my sore and abused body, whilereassuring me that all will be well in the mornings to come.

I sit here in my basement amidst cartons containing bits of mylife- past and present. My trusty old computer has been located; and as ofSunday it was connected to the Internet. Each day holds a small victory inaccomplishment and today I began the task of clearing paperwork. While small innotable progress; getting rid of years of accumulated receipts, travelmementos, fliers, and other useless trash is a worthwhile task.

As I stood in my living room thumbing through the years ofreceipts and paperwork we collected in China, I was struck by anunexpected sadness. The hundreds, if not thousands of receipts that lay on thefloor before me- became more than a useless grouping of papers that wereblocking my progress toward organization. They became little bits of historythat chronicled our lives through records of travel by taxi and subway;memorable meals by way of the grocery stores; cultural exchanges by way oflocal markets; and life lessons by way of local and international travels. Thesesmall, seemingly unimportant and faded little bits were no longer an excitementto toss away; but rather a reminder of what we had experienced over the last 5years.

Suppressing the sudden urge to reclaim them from the trash heap, I let them go.

Repatriating...Still

2011-10-01T22:56:00.000-04:00

As I sit here and search my brain for words, I find myself entangled, struggling to locate ideas among the cobwebs in my brain. The sense of triumph and accomplishment that came largely from the nights cleaning binge begins to wane; and the reality of my life and the fatigue that I feel hits me.

The last four months have been a struggle on many levels. I have moved from a foreign country where I lived in acute awareness of my "foreignness" every single day, back into my country of origin- where I feel oddly fit and slightly foreign still. I have moved away from my friends and a community that I came to know, love and rely on over the last 4 years; and I have entered a country that I no longer fully understand. I have become a mother to twin toddlers (toddler hood being a phenomenon that feels almost like birthing another set of children); and I have purchased a home that has required remodeling every square foot. It's been difficult to breathe, let alone gather myself enough to go through the process required by a person when they re- enter their home country after living abroad.

If it feels like I have been talking about this for a long time, it's probably because I have been. Our decision to purchases and remodel our home added an unusual delay to this entire process. Instead of digging in and spending time with old friends and trying to meet new ones; every extra minute has been spent working on this house. It's stunted the process for us and I fear it has dragged this whole thing out longer than needed.

I have been back in the US for close to 5 months now and I still feel like I am repatriating. All of our home goods are either in storage or laying in wait from China. I continue to live out of the 7 suitcases we brought with us from Shanghai back in May; and as the season change approaches- our complete lack of warm clothing is just another reminder of how behind we are.

Once Again

2011-09-27T10:08:00.001-04:00

I'm in the midst of what feels like a sinking ship. My life surrounds me in boxes, my home is in renovation shambles, and there is no end in sight. I need to be writing more regularly, but the tiny keyboard on my iPhone isn't the most inspiring for creative thought.

Admittedly things are much better than they were a month ago. While Some small part of me feels like I must acknowledge the bright side at all times; I can't shake the weariness I feel right now.

Lightness

2011-09-18T20:05:00.001-04:00

I find myself so desperate for an outlet that I have decided to navigate the ridiculously tiny keyboard on my iPhone and take this time to write. At the risk of sounding incredibly whiny or negative, I will say that the last 4 months have been some of the most difficult. It has been hard to keep perspective and positivity in the midst of the mounting challenges we have faced during our repatriation process.

We are finally in our new home. I would like to report that all is wonderful in the land of DIY; but one problem after another delayed us to the point that we moved in with 80% of the upstairs finished, and a basement in complete and utter disarray.

I am surrounded by the chaos of an international move, a home remodel, and twin todzilla's; but as I sit here looking around me and taking in the quiet that evening brings- I am grateful to be in my new home. I am lightened by the sense of progress and hope in a light at the end of the tunnel.

The Inevitable

2011-07-12T11:02:00.000-04:00

The inevitable. I struggle ever so slightly against it, but realize the time has come to give my blog a major overhaul. It is time to change and update everything about it- its photos, its purpose, and its mission. In working toward these changes, I find myself struggling with the identity of this space in the blogosphere; and through that, have come to realize it's my own identity I am struggling with.

For the last four plus years I have been Jen Kinney- wife and adventurer; living out a life long dream in the city of Shanghai. I have been an explorer, a student of language and cuisine, a writer, and a traveler. I have had the opportunity to wear many different hats and enjoyed each and every one of them.

As if life wasn't exciting enough- I added the hat of motherhood to my wardrobe. While living in Shanghai we welcomed our twin sons into our family and it has been one of the greatest adventures and challenges yet. However wonderful motherhood can be, I find myself in the midst of this repatriation fumbling my way through stay- at- home mommydom and asking some major questions about what it all means.

Hence the identity crisis of sorts...

All of this to say I am not sure when or how these blog changes will take place, but I am certainly working through the details and trying to figure it out. Perhaps this is my way of hanging on, but the time will come when letting go and changing course feels natural. Until then, c'est la vie!

Here It Goes

2011-07-08T17:12:00.000-04:00

For the life of me I cannot figure out how or why a video window appeared on my previous post. I therefore, have no greater idea how to remove it. Sorry to those of you hoping to see some adorable little video of the boys- but there is nothing to it. I'm hoping that as quickly and mysteriously as it appeared- it will disappear.

Now on to more or less interesting topics of discussion. I finally have some form of technology that allows me to write again. For those of you ipad, laptop, desktop, multiple techno peeps out there- I can assure you there is nothing glamorous, mysterious or wonderful about the technology free life. So take all those thoughts you have of simplifying your life and running off to some remote space in Ireland to write on paper... with a pen; and toss them out the window. By all means, go to said remote space in Ireland, but just make sure they offer wireless.

Being back in the US has been challenging on many levels, but none more than my lack of time to put thought into written form. I have so many things to sift through and process before I can even begin to share them. We have been caught up in a whirlwind since returning and I am ready to settle down and process through some of these things already.

There are times when I am reminded that I have not fully slotted back into this life here in the US. Times like last night when my husband brought my new vehicle home (a minivan) and I cried...in a beer. No really. I sat down, drank a beer and cried. All because we bought a minivan. I'm thinking that's not normal, so I decided I needed to take some time, let the towels and laundry pile up a little; and just sit down to write while the boys napped. I figure it's time to invest a little in my mental well being for the sake of my sanity as well as my family's.

So here's to processing on repatriating...

Little More

2011-07-02T09:51:00.000-04:00

It’s been a while since I have had a chance to sit down and write. I am grateful for my husband who is at home with the children this morning, the hand-me-down laptop that I am writing on, and the coffee that accompanies my brain on this rather dusty road toward a new blog post.

To say that it’s been a long journey to this point is an understatement. We’ve been back in the US for almost 2 months; and in that time we have found and purchased a home, made full plans to remodel it, purchased one vehicle and continue to search for another one. We have celebrated milestones with our children and continue to marvel at how much they blossom and change from one day to the next.

I struggle to find words outside of common clichés but there are moments when it feels like we have been here for days and other moments when it feels like we never left the US.

It’s strange to think that such a significant part of our lives can grow to feel like a distant memory in such a short period of time. We spent close to four and a half years living in China. We built lives, made life long friends, traveled its vast land, learned the language, engaged in the culture, and gave birth to our children there. Though temporary, Shanghai was our home; and I am struggling to feel like it is little more than a dream at this time.

Reverse Culture Shock

2011-06-14T11:47:00.001-04:00

It's been a little more than one month since we moved back to the US and I am just starting to feel reverse culture shock. Since our arrival to the US we haven't stopped long enough to take much in. We've looked for homes, made offers, done inspections, walked away from a house, and started the process all over again. From house hunting and car purchasing, to living everyday life; I haven't had much time to breath, let alone sit and think about how I feel in the midst of this colossal change.

We made an offer on another house and it passed inspection. With one major "to do" checked off our list, it appears as though my psyche has made room for some amount of processing. I would have preferred a little advanced notice, but instead I awoke this morning to a rather weighty presence known as reverse culture shock. I've been trying to shake it all day but it just won't go away. I miss my friends back in Shanghai as well as the city itself, and I have this looming sense that I don't want to be here, I don't want to buy anything, and I don't want to commit. Yesterday's excitement of rebuilding the interior of my soon- to-be new home has been squelched by the invader of today.

I would really like it to just go away, but will likely need to accept that this is a natural part of repatriation. Easier said than done of course...

Time Crunch

2011-06-08T07:15:00.001-04:00

It's early Wednesday morning and I am on the couch in my living room trying to get a few words in before my children wake. I wish I had more time to write. There are so many things going on here and so little time to actually process through them. That in combination with the fact that I have no computer, the only Internet connection is rather inconveniently located in the kids play area, and I have no time; make my desire to blog little more than that- a desire.

Phil just informed me that he is getting ready to leave for work and needs his laptop, so more later I suppose...

The Return

2011-05-15T17:16:00.000-04:00

We have been on US soil for approximately 48 hours now and I am not really sure what to say about it all. I think I will need a little more time to unpack, unwind, and try on this new life of mine before I am able to share what I am thinking and feeling. For now, the fog of jet lag and the task of starting life all over with my husband and twin toddlers is taking much of my time and mental energy...

Repatriation: Covered Over

2011-05-04T21:48:00.000-04:00

“My new life back in the United States lay before me with a degree of mystery and heaviness as I weaved the buggy from one street to the next”….

The paths I have carved will soon be covered over by others. The people and places I have come to know and love will continue on. The security guards, the elderly ladies, and the various neighbors walking along will no longer marvel at the shuangbaotai as we enter their gates, walk down their streets, or pass by their knitting circles. The guards who sit at the entrances of my xiao qu’s (neighborhoods) will go on greeting other foreigners as they venture in to wander the quiet streets- hoping to catch a glimpse of local life and perhaps understand the culture a little more. They will all continue on with their daily lives; unchanged by our absence.

It’s hard to comprehend what life will be like in the absence of Shanghai. While I have ideas of what life will be like back in the US, I do not know what it will be like as a repatriated expatriate. It’s commonly understood that repatriation is oftentimes more difficult than the initial move to a foreign land, and I am not naïve enough to think that I will escape this difficulty.

Suitcases

2011-05-01T23:58:00.001-04:00

We finally sat down today to discuss the inevitable week before us. Procrastination is one way of explaining how we got to this point; but we realized we were down to the wire, so it was time to do something. I think the combination of my moderate recovery from aforementioned sinus pressure, our first farewell party with friends last night, and the realization that the movers are coming in oh…1 week!- has motivated us to get on with the tasks at hand.

I started making mental notes about what I could live without for the next few months, what I absolutely had to have with me, what would go into our large shipment, what would be packed and taken by us on the plane, and so on. It all feels a bit surreal. I have started to go through the motions; now I guess I will have to wait and see if the reality comes along as a result of these motions. I keep waiting for this whole thing to sink in and hit me, but the reality is- it may not until I get back to the

and start settling into my new life there.

After our "planning meeting" I began gathering all of our suitcases- pulling them from their various hiding spots throughout the house, dusting them off, and taking inventory of the tasks that lay before me. As I stood there looking at the collection of empty suitcases awaiting their future contents- it occurred to me that I've lived in this city over 4 years now. These rag tag suitcases have flown countless miles and journeyed with us on some of the most amazing, beautiful, and oftentimes challenging adventures throughout China and the world. I have built a life, a community, started a family, and experienced more than I could have ever dreamed possible over these last four years, and now it’s time to pack that all up into a few suitcases and move on…

Sinus Pain

2011-04-28T23:36:00.000-04:00

My children are playing rather happily for the first time in over a week so I am taking this opportunity to write a little about our journey toward repatriation. We’ve all been sick since Monday so the time marking our second to last week in this apartment has been a bit of a blur. I keep reminding myself that we are moving back to the US in approximately 2 weeks, but I’ve given up trying to comprehend it as it seems far to difficult to do so.

Instead, I just have this looming sense that being sick; and therefore accomplishing nothing in the way of moving us back home- has put me even farther behind in this process than I feared possible. I am hoping that this brain numbing sinus pressure will clear soon, so I can think straight and get to the tasks at hand.

Uninvited Guest

2011-04-25T01:42:00.002-04:00

I went for one of my daily walks with the boys yesterday. As I passed all of the usual people and places within my local neighborhood- an uninvited guest reminded me that these sights, smells and sounds I have come to know as home, would be nothing more than memories in a matter of weeks. My new life back in the United States lay before me with a degree of mystery and heaviness as I weaved the buggy from one street to the next...

Repatriation: Tailspin

2011-04-20T08:39:00.000-04:00

I’m in a fog these days and am therefore having a difficult time organizing my thoughts and putting them into written form. We are less than one month away from moving back to the United States and I can’t even fathom how this process will unfold and take shape. My head is spinning with lists of things to do, things to see, things to buy, people to spend time with, phone calls to make, packing lists to create; and that doesn’t even include the day to day things (like caring for, feeding, and entertaining two 13 month olds who are starting to walk)! It seems like there is far too much to do between now and then; and while I find myself working hard to stay present in this moment, the inevitable elements of planning for a future move finds me growing more and more impatient as we enter the last few weeks of this process.

Ode to Miss J

2011-04-11T01:25:00.003-04:00

Due to some unforeseen but not entirely surprising visa issues, I find myself without my trusted nanny. I have always felt incredibly grateful to have her in our lives; but it is in her absence that I have come to realize just how much I relied on her. She was an employee, a support person, a co- parent, and a companion of sorts.

For many people, Friday brings hope of relaxation and rest. For me, Monday was that day. I knew that Monday would come and “Miss J” would arrive to help me care for Isaac and Naaman in a way that nobody else could. As the only other person who knew their day intimately- their sleeping and feeding schedules, their likes and dislikes, their quirks, and so on- I truly felt I could rest and relax a bit more once she arrived.

For several days following the realization that she would not be able to re-enter the country; I found myself tearing up at the mere thought of her. When I would read her and the boys’ favorite Dora the Explorer book (one that only she would read to them) - I would feel tremendously sad. The cynic in me said "well of course you’re sad- you lost your freedom and flexibility", but that wasn’t it. Instead, I felt a bit like I had lost a member of my family; and more than anything I was just sad for the boys. They loved her very much; and one day- she was just gone.

The fact that we are repatriating to the

and would eventually have to say goodbye anyway, has not made this loss easier for me. Yes-I had entertained the scenario a few times in my mind, but I would also quickly shut it out and reminded myself that the day would come on its own. So when the day came earlier than expected; I wasn't prepared for the physical or emotional loss to our family.

It's taken two solid weeks, but I think I have found my footing without my trusty side kick

Repatriation: Pause No More

2011-04-01T23:00:00.000-04:00

In my previous post, (also known as a momentary rant or blogger mental breakdown) - I asked the question “am I in China or am I in the US?” Rhetorical in nature, this question is a simple reflection of a less than simple process we repatriating expatriates face. Following me here?

Life is in a strange state of pause and motion at the moment. I had been working very hard to remain present while living here in Shanghai; and just when I decided to give in a little and focus on our repatriation to the US, things changed course. This combination of events put me in an unusual place.

To keep in step with my philosophy on life- I decided to regroup and focus on our lives here in Shanghai once again. Phil and I took a look at some things that were in need of change, and decided we weren’t going to put them on hold any longer.

The majority of the “things” we had been delaying were child related. When moving in 3 weeks, it made sense to leave the remaining sleep issues, eating issues, and baby sleep locations alone until returning to our new time zone. But now that we were going to be here for 7 more weeks, we realized we couldn’t function the way we were any longer.

It turns out that after all of the delay and dread, the great big monsters (in my mind) were the smallest of mini beasts. After only one day, Naaman joined his brother in sleeping through the night. I couldn’t believe how truly simple it was and how ready he was to make the transition. It made me realize a lot about parenting and the ways we get into our heads and hearts to our detriment at times.

Other than a host of parenting lessons I have learned in this process- I have also learned about the ways we hold ourselves back. You don’t have to be moving to another country to put things off. We all put things off for reasons we think are good and valid; we convince ourselves it is easier when more often than not, it creates a long term pause or problem. I have decided to adopt a famous line from a sleep training “guru” known as The Baby Whisperer and apply it to other areas of my life as well. When Tracey Hogg says “start as you mean to go on” there is wisdom beyond just what we do with our children. I may be late to the start portion of this, but from here on- I will certainly attempt to live life today as I would like to live it tomorrow, next month and a year from now.

Variable or Focus (you choose the title)

2011-03-29T04:54:00.000-04:00

I am having an impossibly difficult time writing these days. I have far too many things on my mind as there are far too many variables in my life. Am I in the US or am I in China? What do I focus on and how do I begin to focus? With so much on my mind, it is difficult to prioritize thought and put it into any sensible form. So there- that's my blog for today.

Repatriation: Pause

2011-03-23T22:31:00.000-04:00

The landlord agreed that we could stay an additional month here in our apartment... so it's official. We will be staying in Shanghai for a bit longer. May 13th is our new repatriation date.

Just as I was imagining life in Michigan and focusing my thoughts in that direction, it all changed. I'm not surprised and I'm not all that upset either...just a little frustrated by the back and forth and the certainty followed by uncertainty.

I will just look at this as a little pause in the process and added time to accomplish our "Bucket List".

It's a beautiful sunny day here in Shanghai, so I am going out to lunch with some friends at a Xinjiang restaurant; and if I have time I will follow that with a visit to the camera market.

Repatriation: Change of Course

2011-03-22T19:43:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure if it's a coincidence or a message from above, but I do find it amusing that less than five hours after I decided to shift my thoughts slightly more toward home, we got word from Phil's boss that he wants us to stay in Shanghai for an additional month. At this point we're not even sure if it's possible, but we have to try.

This sort of last minute change is nothing new to our experience here; in fact, it's been the norm. This is yet another reminder to me that being present in the moment isn't just an important element in savoring life's moments, but also in maintaining sanity.

Now let's see if the landlord will let us stay an additional month...

Repatriation: Tension

2011-03-22T06:29:00.000-04:00

We had our first phase of meet, greet, and assess- the- belongings with various moving companies yesterday. They descended on our home eager to seem competent and capable and ready to quote the job. With each new face came a growing dislike for the process and a reality that we were in fact moving; and very soon.

I have spent the better part of our time left here in Shanghai focused on living here in Shanghai. I have been so entirely present in this moment, so focused on living up the last moments and doing all that I can before I leave that I have completely ignored the major moment in my immediate future. So when moving company number one came to assess our items for shipment, a slightly sick feeling grew in the pit of my stomach. By the time moving company number three arrived, the poor guy could have served me chocolate dipped strawberries while rubbing my feet and I still wouldn't have liked him or his company.

I have a dilemma and I am trying to figure out how to approach it. Currently, I find myself in a very strange place emotionally; stuck in a tension between wanting to remain in the moment here, and a desire to start planning for our repatriation to the United States. There is a grieving process involved with repatriation that seems like it will sting slightly less if I start to sever ties, focus on the US, and grow more annoyed with the things about China and living here that many of us struggle with. These are the things many expats tend to do as they prepare to leave. It just seems to make things easier. Whether it truly does or not, I don't know; but I am tempted to think it might and more tempted to give it a try.

In the Moment

2011-03-07T05:12:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to write this post for well over a week now. Every time I sit down at the computer and prepare to share our big news, I get "side tracked". I realize that I am avoiding the inevitable so I have committed to getting this written today. (I won't mention how many days ago I wrote that sentence.)

Several months ago we decided that it was time for our family to move on from Shanghai, and as a result we have accepted a position that will take us back to our home country. In short, we will be repatriating to the US in less than 2 months.

It’s difficult for me to fully grasp that our time in Shanghai is coming to an end. And while the temptation is to begin distancing ourselves from the people we love so that we can somehow "soften" the transition when we move, we are doing the exact opposite. With only 6 weeks of our journey here remaining we are focusing on spending time with our friends and completing our "Shanghai Bucket List". Being present in the moment is a discipline I have found very helpful in maintaining perspective on life and growth in relationships with people- particularly while living the expat life.

So for now, I live in Shanghai China with my husband and our twin sons.

The Grass Isn't As Green As I Remember

2011-02-24T02:04:00.000-05:00

After 20 long hours of travel, we made it to the United States for our much anticipated home leave. Tired and bedraggled, we entered the airport. We had survived and we were finally in the home stretch! Detroit in February couldn't even squelch the excitement I felt about being in the US. With only a few more obstacles between where we were, and a nice hot shower; we made our way to the immigration line.

The line was long and it appeared to stretch on endlessly. I naturally looked for the "family" line; or the VIP line as it's known here in

China

; but I was reminded rather quickly that we do not have special lines for the disabled, infirmed, or families. Just to make sure though, I decided to take my chances and ask the not-so- friendly looking immigration officer if there was such a line. I think she growled at me, but I'm not too sure. The only thing that was clearly communicated was a gruff "no"; so we got in line with the hundreds of other tired, zombie- like passengers and prayed our children wouldn't have massive meltdowns while we waited.

Several days into our trip, the fog of jet lag began to lift from my body and brain and I decided it would be okay to operate a motor vehicle. As I went out to one of my favorite stores, I was amazed to find a rather large number of parking spots unusable due to the simple and annoying fact that the person in the spot next to it had parked poorly.

Hmmm...I thought back to the flight home and the incredibly rude flight attendant who I wanted to put into a head lock and give a noogie to (oh if I could really say what I wanted to do to her...). I was beginning to wonder about the US that I had left and my memory of it. Could it be possible that the friendly and thoughtful United States of America was a little less friendly and thoughtful than I had remembered? Perhaps there had been a major shift in culture since I left four short years ago? I was beginning to sense with some amount of unease that something sinister was afoot. I parked my car, shook off this sense, and began my short walk into the store.

Just as I was about to enter the store, I was pushed aside by a man in a hurry. Certain he was running to buy a card and some flowers for his wife who had been hospitalized, I was dismayed to see him stop in front of the apple juice and look at it quizzically before moving on (rather slowly) to the next item, and the next, and the next.

First, there was the flight attendant from you- know- where, the lack of deference for families traveling with small children, and the growling immigration officer. Now I was faced with rude and thoughtless parkers and physically pushy people. I would expect this in China, but the US? I was so perplexed by this series of events that I asked my friends about it upon my return. I was certain that in my absence, people in the US had grown less friendly, more hurried, and just plain rude. I was assured however, that there was no significant change and dually assured that these occurrences were not outside the realm of normal every day dealings.

Could it be? Had I fell victim to making the grass greener on the other side? During some phase of culture shock living in China, had I imagined my home country to be more than it really was? The conclusion I was forced to come to was that I had indeed.

Dominos

2011-01-24T05:01:00.000-05:00

We are supposed to leave for the US in exactly 4 days and the sickness looming over my home is threatening the very reality our trip. I am arguably on the mend after a good 10 days of uselessness. Phil is seemingly on the mend after his bought with what appears to be a simple head cold, and now Naaman has a fever. Having one person sick in a household with children is like a game of dominos; we just wait to see who falls next. With twins it’s double whammy. As much as I have tried- they share slobber in ways even the most cautious parent cannot control; and well, I am not the most cautious parent.

So I suppose the only real thing I can do is plan accordingly, move forward with packing, and see where the dominos fall…

2011-01-12T03:22:00.000-05:00

I have bloggers guilt. It's been exactly 1 month since I last posted and I feel nothing but shame. This happens more often than I would like to admit and on such occasions when life, holidays, or simply being the mother of twins takes me off my writing game; I fight the urge to apologize profusely upon my return. I attempt to pick up where I left off as if no time has lapsed, and continue on as if I have been writing every day.

But alas, I have not been writing every day- and here we are in the beginning of a new year. The holidays have passed, the Christmas tree is without its glittering adornments, and life is returning to its usual baby filled days.

Winter in Shanghai is not conducive to outdoor activity with the kiddos, so I have been spending much of my time indoors with the little ones. As I write, Isaac and Naaman are in the other room with Miss Jane listening to their favorite CD- a mix of English and Chinese children’s songs. I never realized just how difficult it was to think straight, let alone write while such music plays in the background. "Why did you let it go? Because it bit my finger so. Which finger did it bite..." and so the song goes. Needless to say, the combination of baby chatter, children’s songs, and the overall lack of writing I have done to date is making it difficult to sort through my thoughts.

This time of year is always a bit challenging for me though. The cold gray days keep people inside their homes, and the vibrant streets of the warmer months give way to a quieter less inhabited feeling city. My daily morning walks are on hold until the weather becomes more baby friendly, and I have been inside and largely surrounded with English speaking and feeling comforts in the meantime. I find myself less enamored with life in Shanghai and am feeling an intensified sense of home sickness.

Feeling home sick is nothing new to those of us who make our homes in foreign countries. It can be more intense at different times and for different reasons, but we usually pass through the mist and come out into the sunlight to appreciate life and the experience once again. This time things are different. I have lost patience and perspective with this city and many of the people around me. I'm not feeling the usual end- of-the- holiday’s home sickness so many of us experience, and I'm not simply in need of a trip home or a holiday away. There is something deeper in this mist, and I think it's time for a change.

I don't know what this change is and I'm not sure that I am ready for it, but I think it's around the corner. As the Chinese New Year approaches we are preparing to go home to the

to visit friends and family for a few weeks. Perhaps that will provide a little clearing of the mind and a dose of perspective…

A Woman, A Dog, A Security Guard, and A Foreigner

2010-12-06T20:11:00.002-05:00

My morning walks are proving to be interesting if not flat out entertaining at times. By getting out with the boys early in the morning, I am able to walk through local neighborhoods with no more than a friendly nod from the security guard. This easy access allows me a small glimpse into areas I would not otherwise see.

Just the other day, I came across a most unusual sight involving a local woman, a dog, a security guard, and a foreigner. While this seems like the beginning of a bad joke, it was actually a really entertaining moment.

As I was carving out my usual path across Nanjing Xi Lu (the N.Y.C equivalent of Fifth Ave), I noticed a rather unusual scenario unfolding before me. Standing next to the entrance of a large mall was a woman entrenched in conversation with what appeared to be the mall guard. Over the course of her entire conversation (at least the 3 minutes I witnessed) - her dog was mounting her leg at a frantic and steady pace. She seemed completely at ease with this. Her conversation remained on track, even lively as she obliged the randy little animal without second thought.

Approaching the scene from the opposite direction was another foreigner. Unlike myself- grungy, dripping with sweat and looking like I had woken up 10 times on and off through the night to finally awake at 5 am; this guy was the epitome of cleanliness and fashion. Great care had been taken to put together his outfit. From his clean shaven face and well tailored suit, to the the hat that was oh-so-carefully tipped 20 degrees to the right; one could tell that this was a man who worked hard to look good and was consequently pleased with his appearance.

As I passed the lady with the mounting dog from one direction and the well dressed foreigner passed from the other- I was amazed to note that this gentlemen tried to appear completely unaware of what was happening in front of him. I say tried, because there is no way he could have missed this scene and its absurdity (unless of course, he had a rare medical condition that rendered his peripheral vision useless).

I've lived in Shanghai for close to 4 years now and I have seen a lot of strange and unusual things. It's easy and often necessary to numb to some of them. After all, living in a city of approximately 22 million people is overwhelming on good days. It's important to block out the chaos when it threatens to swallow you. But after this scenario- I'm not sure what was more unusual- seeing the randy dog being obliged by its owner, or the foreigner working so hard not to notice...

Traveling With Twins Part III: The Gulag

2010-11-01T21:01:00.001-04:00

As the plane approached Moscow and began it's descent, a wave of relief came over my tense and tired body like a massage. A round of clapping joined the screeching sounds of the landing gear as it met the tarmac and I felt inclined to join in. People clapped to thank the pilot for the safe arrival; fearful travelers clapped to thank God that they did not die in a fireball speeding to the earth; and I clapped because my hellish 10 hours of air travel had come to a close. Before long, I would be in the comfort of my Novotel hotel room in Moscow; and I was looking forward to a hot shower, a fresh change of clothes, and a place to unwind before our final trek to Nice the next day.

We exited the plane and gathered our two car seats, one rather mammoth baby carriage, four carry-on bags and our two children; and entered the airport corridor hoping to find signs that pointed the way to our "airport" hotel. Instead, we found ourselves in the midst of a rather confused looking crowd of fellow passengers being guided by a stout and stern looking woman who seemed to hold the key to all knowledge about all things related to air travel in Moscow. Clearly, we were not meant for this group of bewildered looking people- we just needed to get our luggage and get to our hotel. As things unfolded, it became very clear that we did in fact belong to this group- and it wouldn't be long before we would be looking equally bewildered as we were being ushered about by another stern looking woman of importance.

Our "simple" layover in Moscow became quite a complicated mess. As we were merely flying through for connection purposes, we did not get the needed visa's to travel within the country. After all, we were within the 24 hour time limit to be without a visa, so we thought it wise to avoid the $1000 price tag. Little did we know that this seemingly simple connection/ overnight stay in Moscow would become quite an adventure.

After 3 hours of sitting and waiting while people made phone calls, looked at our passports, talked to us, and took us to different sections of the airport- we were finally boarding a secured (aka police escorted) bus and on our way to the hotel (sadly without our luggage and strangely not on the airport grounds). As we drove up to the front of the hotel, I didn't know what to expect. Despite the cold reception from both person and climate in Russia, I was pleased to see that our hotel appeared to be warm and cozy- even a bit posh. After 10 minutes of waiting in the bus, we were released and being ushered into the hotel by what I later realized was another police escort.

As we entered the hotel lobby I was relieved to see a variety of restaurants and even noticed that one of our favorite beers was on tap at the German themed pub. We may not have had our luggage, but there was some consolation in the fact that we could relax and unwind in this comfortable hotel and perhaps even enjoy a beer.

Any fantasy that I had about relaxing in the hotel and sampling the menu of this quaint little restaurant was squashed as the reality of our stay revealed itself. After checking in, we were taken up to our room in a "special elevator". As we arrived at our floor, the elevator doors opened to a rather dingy looking corridor filled with surveillance cameras and a guard sitting at a desk. We were told that we would not be able to leave our room and if we wanted food, we would have to order room service. Looking to further console myself, I thought " well, this is a Novotel, so at lest the rooms will be nice." I soon learned that Moscow didn't just take the nice out of people, but the hotel rooms as well.

I have little doubt that the rest of the hotel rooms were quite lovely, but we were unfortunate enough to be part of the "secured wing" (Gulag). Whoever made decisions for this wing figured we didn't need towels, extra amenities like tooth brushes or combs, or shampoo and soap. After a quick glance around our less than favorable surroundings- I was almost shocked to see that they provided toilet paper.

As I quietly ruminated and mumbled things under my breath about communists and the fact that I would never want to visit Russia, my adventure loving husband looked more and more amused. He urged me to set aside my grumblings and sense of injustice and just enjoy the humor in all of it. The adventure seeking boy inside of him loved the fact that we were essentially being held (mostly of our own will) in a hotel room in Russia until the time that we could board our plane for France.

I conceded that he was probably right and took comfort in the fact that we were no longer on a 10 hour flight with my screaming children. We were halfway through the journey to France and only had to survive the night in a secured Russian hotel before we were on our flight to Nice. And after the flight that got us to this point- I thought no problem! So we bathed the kiddos, put them to sleep and tucked into our room service dinner (which was actually quite tasty) before heading off to bed ourselves.

Supermom

2010-10-22T02:43:00.002-04:00

I'm not entirely sure how often twin moms can say they feel like Supermom. It's probably more accurate to say we feel like Frazzled mom, Going-in-thirty-different-directions mom, Sleep-deprived mom, or a host of other non- super related titles. Despite the fact that many people think we are super human for simply surviving the pregnancy, birth and first few months of raising twins; I'm going to guess it's not that way for most of us. But allow me to remove the large umbrella here and just speak for myself when I say it's not enough. For me- I need to do a little more than manage a shower before noon to feel accomplished in this crazy twin parenting world.

This morning was one of those rare Supermom kinds of days for me. I managed to get more than 3 hours of sleep through the night, had both babies wake at a humane hour, fed them, changed them, got them dressed, gave them their medicine, had breakfast, made my husband a cappuccino, and got myself and the kids out the door for a much needed walk...and I did it all before 8am!

Traveling With Twins Part II: The Hand Off

2010-10-20T05:20:00.016-04:00

As I paced the aisles of the airplane trying to look as in control and as calm as possible; I scanned the crowd for an eager Chinese Ayi (auntie) to hand my children off to. I knew the plane had to be teeming with eager women just waiting to get their hands on the Shuangbaotai (refer to earlier post titled Shuangbaotai for definition), and I was desperate to find just one.

Now allow me to clarify this whole handing off thing. When I say hand off, I don't mean permanently (though the thought had crossed my mind on more than one occasion) To hand your child off to a total stranger and allow them to be occupied for a while seems strange and practically unacceptable to those of us in Western cultures; but this practice is completely normal in the East, and more specifically in

China

. I was simply looking for a kind and eager person who could only see my malcontent squirming little screamer as a mound of sweet cooing baby; a person who was so blinded by their love for babies (almost any Chinese person qualifies) - that they would simply take them out of my arms and occupy them so I had enough time to pee.

As I was approaching the 350th walk down the aisle of the plane, a lovely Romanian woman who spoke very little English- stood up and simply took Naaman from my arms. It was love at first sight for both of them. She oohed and cooed and he paid it back ten fold. I stood there for a minute or two to seem like I was being an attentive mother, and then quickly ran to the loo.

When I returned from my blissful 1 minute break- the plane had practically broken out in a riot of women. As they realized I was willing to hand off my babies, a floodgate of Ayi's opened and poured forth.

As my little celebrities were being passed around to all the eager aunties (and granny's too) who were just waiting to squeeze them; Phil and I took the opportunity to sit for a few minutes and take a deep breath.

I only wish the floodgate had opened a few hundred paces earlier...

Traveling With Twins: Part 1 (along with a lot of side comments)

2010-10-19T01:46:00.000-04:00

We just returned home from our first official family trip. I say official because it isn't the first time that we have traveled as a family. This was however, our first trip for the sake of leisure (as if that is attainable with 7 month old twins).

We decided early on (before actually having twins) that we didn't want to be parents who stayed glued home for the first several years of their children's lives (though there may be some sanity and wisdom in that). So in true Phil and Jen form- we decided that 7 months would be a good age (why- I have no idea); and we started planning our European vacation. After deciding on the South of France- we honed in on some quaint rustic towns and worked on finding and booking a villa. Once all things were booked and paid for, it was time to pack (and for me- time to panic).

As the 7 month mark approached for the boys, I began to realize that all of the little benchmarks I had been hoping for (and quite frankly, counting on) were not being met. When they were 4 months old and we were planning our future travels- I had this picture in mind that I would have 2 babies who were sleeping through the night, eating solids regularly, and an overall feeling of normalcy and freedom returning in my life. As our trip drew near- I was forced to contend with a very different reality. Instead of the above mentioned picture, I had two babies who were teething, sleeping horribly through the night, feeding every two hours 24 hours/day, and there was nothing normal or sane feeling about my life. My quaint and somewhat peaceful little vacation on the Mediterranean was becoming a looming nightmare. Instead of looking forward to France and all of the wonderful clean air and tasty food- I had resigned myself to think, "at least I will be miserable in France instead of China."

The first leg of our journey would take us from Shanghai to Moscow for a 1 night layover (a story that deserves its own post) and then we would head to Nice the next day. As we prepared for take off- the worst case scenario began to unfold. My two sweet little hell cats started shrieking for no apparent reason (and they continued to do so, on and off, for the next 5 hours). We were finally "those people" on the plane. The Old Catholic God of my mother's past emerged for a moment when I thought surely we were being punished by God for something.Four long hours into the 10 hour flight, I had convinced myself that once we got to Moscow- we would promptly find flights back to Shanghai, and I informed Phil that I was not going on to France. My saner half refused to accept this and told me to suck it up and deal with it. After all he reasoned, by the time we got to Moscow it would be a matter of another 4 hour flight before we were in sunny Nice and enjoying the beautiful weather (little hell cats and all).

I conceded, gritted my teeth, and walked the aisles of the plane for the next 6 hours...

Shuangbaotai

2010-09-15T07:23:00.000-04:00

I've started taking daily walks through the neighborhoods around my apartment building. Since the boys don't seem to sleep in past 6 am, I have decided to embrace their early morning wakings with a daily ritual that involves a little exercise for me, a little sleep induction for the kiddos, and a tiny glimpse into the local life around me.

As a foreigner living here in Shanghai, it is incredibly easy to live a sheltered existence. All creature comforts are fairly attainable. Unlike other countries, you never really have to learn the language to survive and thrive. If you have a driver, it's likely that you never have to take the metro or get lost walking around trying to find that one store a friend told you about. You can shop exclusively at Western stocked grocery stores buying Quaker Oatmeal, Breyers Ice Cream or whatever other things you ate back home. In fact, after the initial settling in period, finding a community of friends, and recovering from culture shock; most of us are a year into our 2-3 year assignments and find little desire in expanding our comfortable routines to include anything more Chinese than that cute silk top we had made at the fabric market.

Don't get me wrong, I don't claim to be living among the locals here. I like my comfy four bedroom apartment, and after 3 years of taxis, metros and hoofing it- I love having a driver. I also enjoy buying my breads at various European bakeries and I look very forward to my morning breakfast dates with my hubby (I usually order the pancakes). I don't speak Mandarin well enough to have any truly meaningful conversations, and with 6 month old twins, I don't have any illusions that I will be furthering my Mandarin skills either.

With that said, I do miss China sometimes. It's weird to say that given the fact that I live here, but it's true. I don't have the China experience that some of my more adventurous (childless) friends have; and I do see a value in soaking in the culture to the best of my ability, so the best of my ability happens to be my daily walks. I head out with the boys in the wee hours of morning and I wind their carriage through the alleyways of various hidden neighborhoods.

As women wash their hair and children brush their teeth over street drains, I provide them with an equally amusing picture- a foreigner walking through their neighborhood pushing a stroller with not one, but TWO babies! I can barely walk 10 feet without hearing the words shuangbaotai uttered beneath a persons breath. The occasional brave soul actually attempts to speak to the foreign anomaly (that's me); and they ask if I do in fact have shuangbaotai tucked within the massive stroller before me. I smile and nod in confirmation that I do indeed have what they suspect- shuangbaotai...twins.

I tell you if I were Angelina Jolie walking down the street (minus her own twins); she would not get as much as a second glance from most of these local folks.

So step aside Angie- the shuangbaotai are coming!

The Sleep Fairy

2010-09-09T02:25:00.001-04:00

What a difference a little sleep makes! This is one of those obvious statements people throw around without much thought; and until you have lived with so little sleep over such a long period of time, you don’t realize just how true it is. In fact, you begin to forget what it feels like to be human at all.

I was blessed last night by the sleep fairy; though I am referring to my husband so perhaps I should say something like the sleep manly- man or the sleep king. Whatever I call him; he took two dream feeds and the boys had their biggest stretch of sleep in months… a whopping 4 hours! All things combined and I had collected more sleep by 1 am than I normally do in an entire night.

Armed with my super human powers, I awoke with the boys at 5:45 this morning and felt as though I could conquer the day; so conquer I did. I let Phil sleep in while I got them ready and took them for an early morning walk through the city.

Big deal you think; but huge milestone for all of us. Let me give you a wee bit of background so you can appreciate the milestone along with me.

For the last 6 months, life has been a blur at best. Between recovering from a high risk pregnancy, a premature delivery, 5 days in the hospital trying to hold off labor, an eventual c section, caring for premature twins, going from bottle feeding to breast only feeding, and then reflux to top it off- I have felt like a shell of my former self; no, not even a shell. A shell implies the remnants of shape and form, and I am not even sure I have felt that. A trip out with the help of another is a daunting task in itself; so a trip out on my own, though seemingly unremarkable is quite remarkable indeed.

As I strolled through some of my favorite alleyways enjoying the beautiful day, I felt particularly empowered and entirely capable. It was in that moment that I realized capable is not a word I would use to describe myself in this whole parenting process. After too many months of very little sleep combined with the challenges of living in a foreign country with no family nearby, raising twins, and dealing with reflux- I’d forgotten what it was like to even feel capable.

I must say it feels pretty good...

Where Has All the Mayonnaise Gone?

2010-09-07T02:49:00.000-04:00

It's that time again in Shanghai when all of the foreigners who traveled home for the summer break have returned. Along with their return comes a certain loss of food comfort and security. Being one of those foreigners who doesn't really travel home over the summer, I am lulled into a false sense of shopping security over the months of June, July, and August. I only purchase what I need because I know it will be there when I return. Every September smacks me back into reality when I am faced with empty shelves for weeks on end.

With the returning herd having consumed a variety of items into oblivion, I am forced once again into the ugly habit of mass purchasing; a survival tactic in which we purchases our favorite goods in quantities that rival Y2K stocking.

If I happen to find mayonnaise one of these days...I'm buying a case.

The Accidental Parent

2010-09-02T04:31:00.000-04:00

I have become an accidental parent. Despite my best efforts, I have unknowingly created patterns and behaviors in my children that have complicated our sleep lives. After what I swore was the last night of sleep insanity in my home- we started "sleep training" the boys. We settled on the pick up; put down and shush pat method, and away we went. I crammed in a few chapters of the Baby Whisperer that afternoon and Phil got a crash course in how we would approach the night as soon as he walked in the door. He had about 10 minutes (our sleep window of opportunity) to eat and change his clothes before he was thrown into the trenches for what had the potential to be a very long battle. Though I have read a fair amount on this method, we really were winging it a bit. But winging it or not, I was desperate to do something- anything. My sanity was hanging on its last remaining thread and I figured there was no time like the present for making some serious changes.

Isaac and Naaman are just shy of 6 months and their night waking had increased to a level where I was not sleeping, they were not sleeping well, and everyone was suffering. After dragging my feet a bit too long on starting the process- I drag them no more.

So armed with ear plugs, a full stomach and an empty bladder- I was ready for a long stint in the nursery; ready to help my children learn to fall asleep without the aid of the bouncing ball (killing my back), the rocking chair, or any other jiggling motions. I was shocked to find that a mere 20 minutes later- I was exiting the nursery with a sleeping baby. I've read stories of babies that needed to be picked up and put down as many as 140 times in one go; and I was sure my guys would be close to that. It turns out that Isaac only needed 5 or 6 pick ups and he was working his own way to dream land with nothing more than my hand patting him on the chest.

Morning came, and we were all a bit more rested. Though the boys still woke frequently (I will tackle the issue of night weaning a little later), they slept better between wakings and went a bit longer than usual. All in all- it felt like a bit of a victory for us. When morning came- I wondered what the daytime nap situation would be like. I got my nanny on board and we approached the daytime naps in the same fashion as bedtime and... so far so good.

I definitely have a lot of work ahead of me, but it feels so good to have purpose in the process and light at the end of the tunnel.

Blissful Moments

2010-08-27T03:57:00.000-04:00

This morning was "date morning". Phil and I have decided to make every Saturday morning from 8 am-noon couple time. I'll admit that 8am- noon is a bit strange, but it happens to be the only space in the week when our nanny and ayi work at the same times while Phil is home. It is therefore, our opportunity to spend some time together while they watch the boys.

Despite the fact that my brain was fogged by the remnants of a migraine that rendered me useless the day before, that I had only slept 1-2 hours since 2:30 in the morning and that Phil had taken the night shift; we dragged our tired bodies out of bed, showered and made for a little German restaurant in the French Concession for breakfast. We tucked into our traditional European breakfast-assorted breads, meats, and cheeses; along with jam, fruit, and really yummy coffee- and it occurred to me how truly fortunate we are. As the parents of 5 month old twins, I think the fact that we are able to get out at all and spend time together is a fairly remarkable thing. Not everyone is fortunate enough to live in a country like China where you can have 2 full time staff members who love your children and take great care of them...for such a small amount of money.

After our lovely and leisurely breakfast, we returned home to sleeping babies and crawled back into bed for a much needed nap. For the first time in a really long time I just laid in bed looking at one of my sleeping angels swinging back and forth and was able to savor the moment...

One Down...Three to Go

2010-08-23T21:51:00.005-04:00

We survived the night, and I would daresay we did fairly well. This was the first of 4 nights that I will be without Phil as he travels for business. My girlfriend Lisa came over in the afternoon to lend a little moral support, and I had my nanny stay overnight in case both babies woke up at the same time. Amazingly, I didn't even need her until 6am! I say amazing because Phil and I spent the night before on the floor; him with Isaac and me with Naaman, from 2am until 4am while they played. Needless to say, I was a bit worried we would have a repeat of that last night. We did not however; and by 7am I managed to get 7 hours of sleep (albeit in small chunks over a 10 hour time period), eat breakfast, and even take a shower!

Carbohydrates

2010-08-19T03:29:00.002-04:00

It's truly amazing what you can get away with eating while breast feeding twins. Never in a million years would I have imagined being able to eat the stuff I've been eating without gaining an extra 30-40 pounds. Seriously; I polish off a sleeve of Marks & Spencer chocolate chip cookies during my daily reads. (For those curious types, I am currently enjoying the company of Monsieur Hercule Poirot on his many mysterious adventures). I have to admit that even as I sit here blogging, I am contemplating the best method of disposal for the cookie crumbs that have gathered beneath me on the desk.

Due to the sensitive nature of my preemie babies little tummies (that and their reflux)- I have a very limited diet. No dairy; nothing spicy; no caffeine, coffees or teas of any stripe; no chicken; nothing acidic (ruling out most fruits); and let's not forget nothing gassy (ruling out most veggies and beans). What is a girl left to eat you ask? This is a simpler list for me to share by far. Drum roll please... I can eat: oatmeal, avocados, pears, and said cookies. That's about it. Technically, I probably shouldn't even these little treats from Marks & Spencer, but they don't seem to bother the babies bellies too much- so they have become my one sweet indulgence.

I will say that while I haven't gained weight, I haven't worked too hard at regaining my former shape either. With trying to maintain enough milk for two growing and rather hungry babes- I've been a bit nervous about working out or trying to lose weight. With the introduction of solids in the boys near future however, I think it best that I try to break some very bad habits before I lose the fat and calorie burning machine that is known as my breast feeding self.

First step: think about it (done). Second step: write about it (done). Third step: enjoy my avocado and mayonnaise sandwiches (off to make one now). Fourth step: cut back on the cookies (the when and how of this step will be decided at a later date).

Off to make my super fatty sandwich...

Sleep: Part 2

2010-08-17T03:20:00.003-04:00

I am going to preface this with a warning- I am taking on the often controversial subject of sleep and parenting and while I have no intention of offending anyone out there, I am certain I will. We all do what we think is best for our families and I am just sharing my honest personal thoughts...)

So back to what I was saying in the last post: sleep, parenting, having twins, etc, etc...

I guess I really have to start with the fact that I gave birth to my children very early and rather unexpectedly. Seven weeks prior to most mothers due dates- we are reading up on childbirth, what to pack in our bags for the hospital and last minute name ideas. When I went into labor (6.5 weeks early- I hadn't really made it to the part about what to do once the baby arrived. So once the babies arrived- I didn't have a whole lot more than vague ideas about what parenting would look like once we got home with our little bundles.

I am currently 5 months into this crazy thing called twin parenting and I can tell you with all honesty that my life looks nothing like I had envisioned. No surprise really. We new parents have all of these unrealistic romanticized versions of what it's like to have a baby floating around in our subconscious minds. They magically fit into our lives, going wherever we go- the absolute picture of a contented, docile, cooing little mound of flesh that drifts off into dreamland all on their own. So wrong! While some parents are blessed with a reality not too far off from what I have just described, the vast majority of us are left scratching our heads when our well meaning (childless) friends ask us if our baby sleeps through the night yet.

By the way- this whole sleeps through the night thing is a myth. Aside from the occasional angelic baby or the parent who has decided to do the cry it out method and has successfully managed to "sleep train" their child- most babies do not actually sleep through the night. A baby is actually considered sleeping through the night if they have a stretch of 5 hours or more. That means that we parents are still waking up at ungodly hours of the night; and I do mean ungodly. Waking up at 2 or 3 am has a tendency to reveal the not- so- nice sides of a person.

So here I am- 5 months in and I have 2 babies (not 1) who are in need of constant attention when it come to sleeping and they are waking every 2 hours to feed all night long (I think I mentioned this before, but it is worth noting again to elicit your sympathies). In an effort to regain sanity, I have obtained all major sleep books and started reading about methods that span the styles- super attachment parenting methods (no surprise these folks don't have twins with reflux), the cry it out crowd, the Ferber method, and so on. While I have gleaned helpful bits of information from each book- I would have to say that none have left me feeling all that comfortable or excited to take on the task of "sleep training".

Then I came across this book by Tracy Hogg called Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. She has a unique middle of the road perspective that I appreciate. So far, this book has resonated with me the most. It teaches you how to help your child learn to sleep on their own without employing any extreme tactics. No crying it out alone, no schedules mapped out to the second, no sleeping in the parents bed until the age of 3 with demand feeding at all hours, no allowing children to set the tone in the home, etc. I realize in reading this book that we have a lot of bad habits to undo, but I finally feel good about how we can undo them and what we can put in place of them.

Of course, what looks good in a book may look entirely different in practice- but I'll keep you posted...

Oh, and the next time you are invited to a baby shower- give the parents to be, Secrets of the Baby Whisperer as a gift. (author is in no way shape or form- paid by Tracy Hogg or any of her affiliates ;)

Sleep: Part 1

2010-08-16T06:46:00.002-04:00

It's a little before 7 pm and both of my children are bathed, fed and asleep. There was little protest or crying on their part, and I am feeling unusually at ease after putting them to sleep. Sadly, the trend toward bedtime has gotten worse over the last month or so. With increasing difficulty- we do everything short of a head stand to get them to go to bed; and to make matters worse- they have started waking every two hours to eat all night long. I am exhausted, they are exhausted, and I am ready to ship them back from wherever it is they came from. On this unusual evening I have decided to write a bit about my observations and frustrations regarding sleep and parenting twins...more to come- I am going to bed now.

Hindsight isn't always a good thing

2010-07-21T21:21:00.004-04:00

It's seems like an eternity since I last wrote. Life has been incredibly busy to say the least. After giving birth to twin boys a little over four months ago- life has been a bit of a blur. In between getting to know these two little people, caring for and feeding them, and trying to get enough sleep to stay sane; we took on the colossal task of traveling back to the US with them! (Some of you may be thinking I must not have attained the sanity maintaining sleep I needed after all.)

Approximately 8 weeks after they were born, my mother (who had been with us in Shanghai for a month already) and I boarded a plane with the boys for the 14 hour journey back to the US. I was incredibly nervous about how they would do on this flight. Approximately 5 days before we left for the US, Isaac and Naaman were diagnosed with reflux. For weeks before this diagnosis the only thing we knew was that we went from having 2 moderately happy children who slept well in their cribs, to 2 insane little babies who wouldn't sleep more than an hour at a time and screamed often. We were going through 50-60 burp cloths every day because they were spitting up so much, and they would only sleep if they were on one of us. It was insanely stressful to say the least. Fortunately, by a bit of a fluke- our pediatrician diagnosed them with reflux and suggested we start them on medication. I was quite reluctant to medicate them until I went home and did a little research. When I realized they had 8 out of 10 symptoms (and you only need 1 to have it) - I knew it was serious, and decided to try the medication until we got back to the US and saw our pediatrician there.

The US was great in a lot of ways. We were able to see family and friends; and most importantly- the boys were able to meet all of their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and extended family.

I have to say though that if I knew ahead of time what challenges we would have faced going to the US and traveling all over with newborns, I might not have gone. So I guess I am glad that I didn't know ahead of time...

Baby Haze

2010-04-01T04:54:00.002-04:00

We've been home for two weeks tomorrow and I have managed to survive being home with 2 newborn babies while Phil has returned to work. Survived is about the best I can say. Everyone who has had babies and particularly those who have had twins have told me- "it will get better", "the first year was a blur", etc. They aren't kidding about the blur thing and I am waiting for the get better part.

The fact that I am blogging right now is fairly remarkable, but I find that my own mental survival relies on my ability to write. I would love to start at the beginning and blog about labor and birth, premature infants and our 16 day hospital stay; but I haven't really had the opportunity to fully process those things. So instead of waiting to wade through my emotions regarding all of these things, I will just jump in and write a bit about where things are at now.

I would like to be a bit more original here, but things are essentially elbow deep in spit up, covered in breast milk, and dodging projectile elements out of every orifice. As I sit here writing, I wear the stains of baby battle on my shirt. I think the babies have won today. Other days I feel like we might be winning the battle, but the fact that I haven't showered, slept or had a sane thought all day long tells me that they are winning this round.

As we all know- having a baby is tough work. Having twins is an entirely different thing; and having them in China has taken the challenge to an entirely different level. I am fortunate and blessed to have great friends here who have really offered a lot of help. I am also fortunate to live in a country where having a nanny is incredibly affordable. I can't fathom doing any of this without that while living in a foreign country.

It's during the 3 am feedings in particular, that I sit and contemplate other twin families that I know of. Many of them live near their family and community or are in the media (and I realize that they have round the clock help). It was during one of these twilight feedings that I decided it was time to get a live in ayi. I never thought I would do it or want someone living in my home; but after the last few nights of taking on two crying, hungry babies- I say bring on the evening help!

I remember the early days when I lived in China and wasn't sure I would even hire an ayi to come clean my house let alone live in it and take care of my babies. Oh how 3 years of living in this country and giving birth to two babies will change ones mind...

Naaman Gray Kinney

2010-03-17T07:36:00.000-04:00

Customize your own free ecard

Isaac Allen Kinney

2010-03-17T07:30:00.000-04:00

Greeting card generated with Smilebox

Labor- Day 5

2010-03-07T23:54:00.006-05:00

It's Monday afternoon and I am still in the hospital awaiting the arrival of our babies. I have made it past 34 weeks- 34 weeks and 4 days to be exact, and the Dr's couldn't be more thrilled.

Though my water broke last Wednesday, all is well in my body. There are no signs of infection, fetal stress, or any other health problems. I have been in labor on some level for the last 3 days. Contractions really started getting stronger and more frequent yesterday evening and into the night, but this morning and afternoon things have calmed down quite a bit.

We met with our Dr. and midwife this morning and I was slightly surprised to find that they wanted me to continue to keep them inside for as long as possible. I am not surprised that they think it is best for them to continue to grow and develop in me; just surprised because I had started to shift my focus yesterday from prevention of labor to encouragement of labor.

It's been an interesting journey thus far. I have to say that I never imagined being in the hospital for such a long time before the birth of our twins, but as I sit here blogging I realize that I haven't really thought about it that much anyway. I think its better that way- not to think too much about it. The more expectations I have in this process, the more potential there will be for disappointment and stress. And right now, I am in as much of a mental waiting game (or more) as I am in a physical waiting game.

It would be really easy for me to grow weary after sitting in the same hospital room day after day, slipping in and out of contractions and wondering if labor is really starting. So it's really important to remain in the moment and not concern myself with what I had envisioned or what lies ahead. I didn't imagine or "mentally prepare" for pre-term labor, but I am in it and trying to apply the same principals and approach that I would with any other labor- let the body do what it needs to do and allow the process to happen. Obviously I have to apply other thought and wisdom to the unique situation that I am in, but the core remains the same.

With the decision to try to keep them in a bit longer, we have had to change our game plan a bit. I will take it very easy and avoid labor inducing measures for as long as physically comfortable. If contractions overwhelm me and pain sets in- I will work with it and move and be confident in the labor process. If it stays at bay, I will encourage that process as well. For now, my body seems content to slowly labor, so I am assisting that process by resting on my side, listening to music, and visiting with a friend soon.

I sent Phil out this afternoon with our driver to get some food and other necessities. The poor guy has been going a bit stir crazy (5 days in 1 room will do that to anyone), so I thought it would be good for him to get out and blow the stink off so to speak. We have been incredibly fortunate to have great friends who are visiting us, bringing us necessities and supporting and encouraging us through this process.

Thanks to all of you!

Phil and Jen

Labor

2010-03-05T01:54:00.003-05:00

I'm 34 weeks pregnant today and sitting in the hospital waiting for labor to kick in. I thought it would be a good distraction to do a little blogging while my contractions are light and manageable. I also thought it might be a little novel to blog while in labor. I mean how many women can say they blogged during labor?

I can't guarantee that my thoughts or words will be very coherent, but here they are...

Early morning on my birthday (4:00 am), I had a bit of an indication that my water might have started to break. After going in to the hospital and spending a good portion of the day being monitored, we determined that I would likely be going into labor within the next week, but since I was only 33 weeks and 5 days pregnant- we hoped to prolong it as much as possible. After a shot of steroids to mature the babies lungs, we got to go home for some much needed rest.

That night, some friends of ours came over with dinner and a cake and we got to celebrate my birthday (from my bed).

Hoping for a good nights sleep, we went to bed around 10 pm (I could not fall asleep) only to find that at midnight my water did indeed break. I let Phil sleep for another 30 minutes before I broke the news to him. This time no false runs; we were going in to the hospital for good until the babies would come. So we took our time gathering all the necessary items (and then some), woke our driver from a deep sleep, loaded the car, and went to the hospital.

So now we are on day two in the hospital. Because my water broke and the babies are still a bit early, I will be here until they come. The hospital staff is great about this being a slow process and taking as much time as we need. As my midwife stated- "you are a much better incubator than a machine". I couldn't agree more.

For now, our plan is to relax and do what we can to keep the process slow. But as the day goes on and my contractions increase to every 3 minutes or so- I am beginning to wonder if this will be much longer.

We shall see...

Spring Festival

2010-02-22T03:59:00.003-05:00

Chinese New Year is over and we have survived!

Phil and I have been living here in China for over three years, but this was the first time we actually remained in the country for the week long celebration. Also known as the Spring Festival or Lunar New Year, it is the most significant holiday for the Chinese people. For many, it is the only time in the year that they will be able to travel back to their hometowns to see their spouses, children, and extended family!

After all of the "horror" stories we had heard from other expats- the around the clock fireworks, everything closing down, and the general mass of people in transit (which is no small thing in China); the idea to remain here over the holiday never appealed to us. We have always taken this particular holiday break to go back to the US for a family visit. Given the fact that I would be 32 weeks pregnant with our twins this time around, staying in Shanghai during the Chinese New Year was our fate.

Expecting nothing but annoying firecrackers and difficulty getting food (due to all of the closures); I was surprised to find that halfway into the holiday week- we were eating well and had no real sleep interruptions from the fireworks. I was beginning to think we were in the clear since our new apartment is not in a heavily residential area, but I wouldn’t dare verbalize this thought for fear that I would jinx us.

Just when I thought it was safe to take a deep breath- day 5 came upon us. I mentioned that we didn’t live in a large residential area right? Well, we do live in a huge retail area and it just so happens that day 5 ushers in the money god. Midnight hit, and all firecracker hell broke loose. It was absolutely amazing how many firecrackers were being lit off around our entire building. Every window I looked out had firecrackers going off. It got to the point that I couldn’t see across the street because of the heavy fog of smoke oozing from all the fireworks. These retailers wanted the money god to notice them, and they certainly won’t be able to blame this night for any poor sales in the future.

Other than that night we had a fairly relaxed and firecracker free week; and a week that we were essentially dreading turned out to be a pretty decent one.

Why Not Question the Status Quo?

2010-02-13T07:34:00.000-05:00

I’m just a writing machine lately. I guess I have a lot to write about and more time on my hands since we have unpacked and almost completely organized our previously chaotic home. Down time has been an absolute necessity for me these days, and with this extra time, I have begun to read a lot more on the actual birth process in preparation for the event. We will go for an ultrasound on the 16^th of January and find out which way the babies are facing. They say that with twins, the babies’ positions are fairly decided by week 28 due to the lack of space. If baby 1 is head down and it stays that way- we are on for a natural delivery (January 16^th has since passed and we did find out that baby 1 is head down!); and that brings me to the subject of this writing- natural childbirth.

I should probably start this by telling you that my desire to one day experience pregnancy was perhaps a bit different from other women. It wasn’t about having that wonderful little bundle of baby at the end of 9 months as much as it was about having the privilege and opportunity to experience childbirth. It’s true. I know some of you are thinking smugly to yourself that you would love to hear what I have to say after I actually experience childbirth. But let me encourage you instead, to think- wow, that’s really interesting; and have an open mind to other perspectives.

For many of you who know me, natural childbirth has been a passion of mine for a long time. I could blame it on the fact that my mother and “2^nd mother” are both midwives and I grew up surrounded by women who were activists in the field of labor and delivery; tirelessly working to change shortcomings in the medical system as they knew it. But that really only explains a small part of where my passion comes from. After all, how many times have we been exposed to philosophies or ideas by our family, to turn around and do the exact opposite?

I used to tell my mother that if and when I had babies- they could knock me out and wake me up when it was over. I would say this in part to watch her squirm, but I would also say this in part because it was truly how I felt. So what happened to me along the way? How did I become such a proponent for natural childbirth?

Well, as I watched different girlfriends and acquaintances around me give birth with varying degrees of satisfaction, dissatisfaction, trauma, and disappointment; I began to ask questions like why? Did it have to be that way? What led to some of these really disappointing outcomes? Why did some people have really great and fulfilling labor experiences, while others were left to feel disappointed, empty, and wounded?

As I embarked on this journey of questioning, I began to see a common thread throughout those experiences that were positive and those that were not.

For all of us, I believe our top priority is giving birth to a healthy baby. Many of us are taught to think that this will often be at the cost of our labor and birth experience, when in fact it is quite the opposite. A well informed woman along with her well informed husband, have a statistically higher rate of satisfaction in the whole process; along with a statistically lower rate of intervention, cesarean and disappointment. Now this is not to say that cesarean= disappointment. There are ways to feel fulfillment through this type of birth as well; but it does take a bit more planning and preparation in order to feel positive toward an unplanned cesarean birth.

Back to the common thread I have found throughout different birth experiences... education, empowerment, and action. Women and their spouses who are educated about the birth process, their bodies, and how we were created to function are more empowered and thus more confident in taking an active role in their birth plan; making it much more possible to experience the birth they desire.

Unfortunately, a lot of us do not think about these things until after we have given birth for the first time. For many, the extent of our education comes from books like What to Expect When You’re Expecting and the readily available horror stories other women feel they should share with all expectant moms. Often, we go into the birth process feeling tentative, scared, and certain that our Dr. knows best. We assume that as things have improved with medical technology it has made birth better, and that medical intervention is therefore a good and necessary thing. As a result of all of these elements- we essentially walk in, play the good patient, and allow everyone else to make decisions for us.

Ask most women if there were things they would have changed about their birth experience, and they will tell you yes. The sad truth is that there were likely a number of things that they could have changed had they had the tools, knowledge, and confidence to do so. It is often during subsequent pregnancies that many of these women further educate themselves and take more active roles.

(Then there are those of us trying to learn from them and do this ahead of time.)

Phil and I have just finished The Birth Book by Dr. Sears and The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin; and they have been incredibly wonderful tools in preparing and empowering us both for childbirth.

Why do all of this you ask? Because I believe that child birth is a unique and sacred gift and experience that requires planning and preparation; because there are women out there who feel it has been one of the most wonderful and fulfilling experiences in their lives; because I think we have been told lies by the medical establishment and are selling ourselves and our bodies short on a daily basis when we preemptively say we can’t handle pain and just need a drug to help us cope; because we continue to give our bodies and births over to an establishment that makes decisions based on the fear of lawsuits; and because our cesarean and drug induced birth rates are climbing with each day in the US while our safety still ranks low compared to many other nations.

Mainly, I want to see what this amazing body can do in the right environment with the support of my awesome husband.

Stretchy Pants

2010-02-04T00:05:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow marks 30 weeks in this pregnancy. Each day brings with it blessings as well as challenges. As this has become a higher risk pregnancy, the threat of premature labor is very real. So we are happy with each day that passes because it is one more day that the babies get to grow bigger and stronger and more developed.

It's amazing to me how much my body changes every day. In the past week, I have noticed a marked increase in my girth and decrease in my mobility and comfort. At this point, I have gained over 40 pounds and I have another 15- 20 to go based on growth rates for twin pregnancies! Did I mention I have gained over 40 pounds at this point? And wait, there's more. We noted during my Dr's appointment today that I have gained 3 pounds since Saturday alone; and though I am technically 30 weeks tomorrow, I am already measuring at 42 weeks!

I won't lie- it's shocking to me as well. People keep telling me that I am all belly and I look great (which is wonderful regardless of its truthfulness). I would say that I am mainly belly (which also explains the back pain after 10 minutes of standing). After all, when is the last time you had to strap 30 pounds straight off your abdomen and attempt to stand for any amount of time? Exactly.

Until recently, I have been focused on maintaining a certain level of "grooming” during this pregnancy. I didn't actually realize the degree of my vanity until I got pregnant; but I found that once I was, I didn't want to be one of those frumpy pregnant women who wore moo moos or her husbands sweats all day every day (sorry to you lovely ladies who did). As such, certain things became enemies in my mind. Things like sweat pants, tennis shoes and the god- forsaken stretchy pant; though comfortable, became symbols of all that was wrong with pregnancy and fashion. To me, they were a sign of a woman who was giving up and hiding what could be a beautiful and vibrant time in her life.

Well I am here to tell you that it's true. I gave up. I went and bought stretchy pants the other day. In fact, I specifically went out in search of said cursed garment. I did my best to find a pair that I could camouflage into looking like a proper pair of pants, but who was I kidding? Stretchy pants are stretchy pants regardless of how you try to dress them up. They also happen to be the most comfortable piece of clothing I own at this point.

Note from the author:

As I sit here writing this, it has occurred to me that I may be attempting to compensate for my loss of conviction. I have managed to fit a manicure, pedicure, waxing, hair, and massage appointment all into this one week; the one week I happened to buy the stretchy pants. Coincidence? Hmmmm....

Oh Patty Melt...

2010-01-30T04:34:00.002-05:00

As I sit here attempting to push through complete writers block; my home is filling with the delicious aroma of sautéed onions. The promise of dinner to come proves too overwhelming for clarity in my thought process, and searching for "inspiration" that will take me into uninterrupted prose is growing more difficult as the aromas intensify and swirl around me. For a pregnant woman with writer’s block- the wonderful smell of food serves to dull the brain and merely adds insult to my injury.

My wonderful husband has taken on the task of making dinner this evening and per my insane beef craving- he is making patty melts. For those of you who are unfamiliar with said American culinary delight, here is Wikipedia's definition: “A patty melt is a type of sandwich consisting of a hamburger patty (hence the name), pieces of sautéed or grilled onion, and Swiss cheese between two slices of bread (traditionally rye, though sourdough, or Texas toast have recently been substituted). The sandwich is then fried with butter on a frying pan so that the cheese melts thoroughly.”

So there you have it; beef, butter, melted cheese, and fried bread. Need I say more? Oh- don’t forget the onions!

Let's Just Call It What It Is

2010-01-21T05:55:00.004-05:00

As I sit here contemplating my next writing topic, several titles come to mind. Stretchy Pants, Elbow Deep, All Things Baby, The Elderly Outrun Me, Compression Socks Are My Friend, and several other pathetically pregnancy related phrases come to mind. I realize that by waiting until I was so far along in a multiples pregnancy to actually start writing about the pregnancy- may have just left the gory depressing details of being enormous, immobile, and thoroughly challenged to write about.

See, for most women (the average singleton pregnancy, that is), they only have to go through the joys of swollen ankles, challenged mobility, difficulty breathing, and so on for a few weeks. With a twin pregnancy- I get to go through this stage for a lot longer. For example- I am currently 28 weeks pregnant and measuring at 37 weeks. So right around 27 weeks (36 weeks measurement), my ankles started the fairly common swelling that is experienced in late term pregnancy; the wedding rings came off to avoid morning finger amputation; I found a sudden affinity for "stretchy pants"; and moving from a laying position to a seated one became an event in my day. Singletons get to go through this for 3-4 weeks; I get to go through this for 3 months!

So imagine my joy when the Dr. informed me that I needed to "rest a lot more". As her definition unfolded before me, I realized it was a clever and artful cover for what many of us know as bed rest. As I spent the next few days contemplating what 3 hours on my feet really looked like (after shower, food prep, and 30 trips to the loo) - I realized I was in for a big change. I am grateful that I am not on complete bed rest with sponge bath and bucket only privileges, but I can't say I am entirely thrilled by this either.

This is the point where some of you are thinking I might need a dose of perspective. I assure you that I do not. The immense importance of resting and keeping these babies healthy, growing, and inside has escaped me in no way shape or form. While I am mourning the loss of my freedom (sorry to those of you who continually remind me that I need to enjoy this time because it won't come again- ever); I am also incredibly focused on keeping safe and healthy babies inside me vs. the NICU.

That disclaimer aside- it looks like being such a procrastinator with catching up on all things baby works well for me in this situation; because now I have about 10 books to catch up on and read, baby registries to work on, names and birth plans to work out, and a number of other things to work on.

The 5 Words A Pregnant Woman Doesn't Like to Hear

2010-01-09T02:34:00.001-05:00

There comes a point in every woman’s pregnancy where she dreads hearing the words “I think it’s time to…” This morning, as I sat braced in the uncomfortably hard tradional Chinese chair in my living room, I heard those dreaded words uttered from the lips of my own husband. To make it worse, he chose to share his thoughts with me over the phone! It’s never a good sign when your husband starts out a phone conversation from the safety of his office with “I think it’s time to…” As a pregnant woman who is very aware of her challenged state (and the ways it may be challenging her mate), any number of fill in the blank scenarios can come to mind in a millisecond of hearing those words.

Let’s explore a few that came to mine.

I think it’s time to…

-use shock therapy for your snoring

-submit photos of you to “freakishly huge pregnancy photos.com”

-make you sleep on the couch (after all, you sound like Chewbaka)

-sleep in separate rooms

-smother you with a pillow

-see a therapist (can anyone say mood swings?)

-put you on a diet

-move out for a little while

-take away the chocolate

So imagine my relief when he simply suggested we switch blankets with the spare room so we can each have our own separate duvets (that way when I get in and out of bed 15 times at night to use the loo- I won’t pull the blankets off of him). Whew! Glad I get to keep my chocolate.

7 Months and Counting

2010-01-08T02:11:00.000-05:00

It’s hard to believe that I am approaching 7 months of pregnancy with these two crazy little human beings growing inside me. Only recently do I feel like I am absorbing and processing through the enormity of this gift and blessing. With a twin pregnancy I could technically (and thankfully safely) go into labor at 36 weeks. That only gives me 10 more weeks! Given how quickly the last 26 have gone by, 10 weeks feels a little closer than I would like it to.

I am trying not to feel like I am behind in preparation. I really don’t think that I am, but our minds have a way of making us feel like we’re never doing all that we should. I suppose that I could have started to prepare more at an earlier point, but for a variety of reasons I found it difficult to do that.

First and foremost for me was the desire to enjoy my child-less state for as long as possible. I knew the time would come soon enough where I would be elbow deep in all things baby, and I really wanted to preserve and enjoy the “husband and wife sans children” life that Phil and I have shared for the last 7 years. I was actually a bit surprised by how anti baby stuff I really felt. But more on that topic later…

As I grew bigger and found the reality of my pregnant state weighing in from all sides, the holidays provided a bit of a distraction for me. Again- I focused on the fact that this might be my last holiday for a while where I could cook, bake in my usual overboard fashion, and focus on those around me without baby distractions.

So now that the holidays are over and I am growing very large with children, it’s become impossible for me to ignore what is going on inside my body. As they kick and move and carry out daily patterns of interaction with us, they become more like real babies and less like growth stages that I read about each week in my pregnancy book.

For the most part, Phil and I have done some much needed unpacking and clearing out of what will be the nursery; and once we take down all of the Christmas stuff, I will officially feel moved in and settled. It really is the perfect time for us to start our birth class (which will happen next Saturday), register for baby stuff, and prepare for the birth and arrival of our babies. When I start to feel behind, I just need to remember this.

Moo Moo's and Lead Aprons

2010-01-05T00:15:00.004-05:00

This whole "resting" phase of the pregnancy is great for blogging. I've never had so much time on my hands to bore the sense out of you all with my fun pregnancy details. To pay homage to the fact that this blog was originally a means to communicate our experience here in China, I figured that I should include a segment on what it is like to be a pregnant foreigner living here in Shanghai.

Allow me to start out by telling you about pregnant women in general here on the mainland. It is a phenomenon that one can barely wrap their brain around. The following may offend some, but please be assured that I mean this in the most respectful way possible; just putting a humorous (albeit slightly offensive) spin on it.

Phil and I have lived here in Shanghai for close to 3 years and it has taken me being pregnant here to begin to understand (on some very small level) what previously confounded me. For example, why did a perfectly adorable, fashionable, slim young woman almost instantly transform into a moo moo wearing waddling invalid the moment she found out she was pregnant? And what was with the apron that so many pregnant women donned in their maternity wardrobe? After a little while I started to think that there was a level of "living it up" playing into the psyche of Chinese women. I began to wonder if the fact that so many women here can only have one baby caused them to celebrate and often times milk their pregnancies for all they were worth. Not knowing what birth restrictions are like in my own life, I thought I might do the same if I was in their situation.

Now I typically hesitate when it comes to "us and them" talk; but trust me when I tell you that pregnancy is one experience that highlights the vast difference between women in the Western world and China.

The fact that I wear pants, carry bags on occasion, exercise, eat spicy foods, and drink cold water while I am pregnant makes me a close cousin to a 3 headed monster. When I was training my new ayi- I had to explain to her that despite her strongly held beliefs that all of the foods that I liked and all of the things that I wanted done would harm my babies- we have been giving birth to happy healthy babies in the West for a good long time now. She conceded that I was correct, but deep down probably wondered if we did have as many healthy babies as we claimed.

So with some amount of reluctance- she began to cook our food with soy sauce and hot peppers (2 things many Chinese people believe is harmful during pregnancy).

Since becoming pregnant, I have discovered some answers to my questions (please keep in mind that these are my own narrow observations along with answers from some Chinese friends):

Why the moo moo? Because it is believed that pants will cut off blood flow and harm the baby.

Why the apron? Because it has lead in it and protects the baby from harmful radiation (now if you could just convince someone that the metals they get in their daily consumption of water and fish are way more of an issue #?!@)

Why the waddle? Because it is believed that massage is bad for pregnancy. (If I go more than a week without a massage, I waddle too.)

Why no spicy food? Because it is believed that people who eat spicy food will give birth to girls.

Why no soy sauce? Because it is believed that your baby will have darker skin. I have also heard this about chocolate. (Forget about genetics.)

As for the general "invalid" vibe that pregnant women give off- I have recently discovered the beauty and necessity in milking that for all it's worth. After all, we’re in a city of 22 million people- all fighting for themselves. Vehicles will run you and your 90 year old granny over without a second thought, and you are left to fend and fight for yourself in every arena of life. For the most part, pregnant women here do enjoy a status of respect and preference that one will never see again in her life. So who cares if you don't show until you are 6 months pregnant- if you're wearing your moo moo and lead vest- everyone knows you are. Heck, you might even get a seat on a crowded rush hour metro without having to ask. And that is certainly worth it.

i'll take my cheeseburger with a side of leather please?

2010-01-02T05:23:00.004-05:00

It turns out that the swelling of last week was my body's way of telling me I had done way too much over the holidays. Since my initial puffy little feet scare, all has been relatively well. Other than my husband looking at me and blurting out the occasional "you're huge" while laughing- all is well in pregnancy land. Well, all except my blood sugar and iron levels.

As is expected in a twin pregnancy, my midwife discovered that I was a bit iron deficient during my last appointment. I had a hint this might be the case when I started these crazy cravings last week for leather, nail polish remover, and new carpet (oh the thought of carpet still makes my mouth water a bit). Pica is a little known disorder that is caused by anemia during pregnancy, and it makes women crave really strange things like sand, rubber, and metal. I happened to go the route of leather and new carpet. So now I am on my happy little iron pills waiting for these crazy cravings to subside as well as a return to my absolutely non-existent energy.

As for my sugar levels and the possible threat of gestational diabetes- I got off sugar and haven't looked back. My midwife is hopeful the rise in sugar levels are a result of some holiday over-indulging (who, me?). So we'll see how the 2nd and more miserable fasting glucose test goes on Wednesday. Hopefully all will be well and I will just maintain my sugar free lifestyle for the duration of the pregnancy. I guess it's good I've been craving leather and not sugar though, right?

Fluffy Puff Marshmallow

2009-12-26T05:31:00.002-05:00

The View From Here has certainly changed a bit. Today marks the start of week 24 in this crazy twin pregnancy and I will tell you how my view has changed. I can no longer see my feet, placing socks on them has become a new hurdle in my daily life, and when I can see these two little transportation devices- they are beginning to look a lot like fluffy puff marshmallows. I hesitate making this a gripe session about pregnancy, but honesty is an incredibly important element of journaling; and though this is a public blog, it is also a journal of sorts for me. I will say that I have been blessed in many ways during this pregnancy. I've had no major morning sickness, no complications, no signs of premature labor (as is more common in a twin pregnancy), I can still wear my wedding rings, and I can even zip up knee high boots if I feel so inclined! Though I fear the days of minimal swelling bliss may be coming to an end, I am entering my 7th month of pregnancy with 2 babies growing at an amazing speed and no major issues- so I haven't been doing so poorly.

Okay, so now that I am done with the "I know I have been blessed" element of this post- I am compelled to get on to some real truth telling here.

In the beginning of my pregnancy, my sister-in-law (who is also currently expecting a baby) received a funny little book titled "Pregnancy Sucks". I thought it was cute at best, but part of me wanted to be offended by its implications. I have been raised to believe (and for the most part, rightly so) that pregnancy is a beautiful and wonderful gift that should stand alone on a pedestal without challenge. Those who challenged such thoughts; were in my mind, shallow and short sighted.

I have now come to think that I could write a chapter in previously mentioned cute little book. My chapter would be titled "The Lovely Little Things We All Go Through, but Nobody Tells You About". However, in an effort to respect the tradition of silence (as well as getting into details none of you really care to hear about), I will remain silent on many of the specifics. Let's just say that the next time you speak with a pregnant woman and she seems to be complaining about trivial little things like finger swelling, back pain, shortness of breath, heart burn, or 20 trips to the loo in the middle of the night- she's just giving the dinner table version of her challenges. Be grateful she's not telling you about the rest of the stuff.

Today as I looked down at my puffy little feet in horror- I gave into vanity like never before. I got into bed, lay on my left side with my feet slightly elevated, and said over and over again to my body that it could not swell up on me. As if it should listen!

So I managed to get cards and an e card out this holiday season...

2009-12-20T06:14:00.000-05:00

Make a Smilebox newsletter

2009-12-15T01:20:00.002-05:00

It's Tuesday afternoon here in Shanghai. The cold, grey, and rainy weather outside is just a hint of the winter to come. We've had an incredibly mild November and December thus far, but weather reports predict this will all change very soon.

In the meantime, I have been taking advantage of the milder weather and my smaller state. A time is coming very soon when I won't be getting out so much. For now, I am trying to balance resting with getting out and doing things that I won't be able to do once the babies come.

This afternoon is a different story. Normally I wouldn't go out on such a miserable day, but I had to go to the fabric market for the 5th time to try on the same "maternity" jacket that still isn't right.Today, the slightly more modern and English speaking daughter was in her mother's shop. This was the only hope I had of getting the sleeve openings that would fit around Hulk Hogan to get fitted to my arms. In the US this would have cost far less in time, energy, and cash. But alas, there are only 2 stores in this vast city that even carry suitable maternity clothing, and neither have a proper winter coat. So I will return once again on Thursday to see if they finally did what I asked them to do in order to correct it.

Some days I like China more than others. This happens to be one of those days that I don't. But as I sit and write this, my ayi has started cooking some of her delicious food... my disdain is starting to melt away.

2009-11-30T00:28:00.002-05:00

Okay, so that stuff I wrote about resting a few weeks ago was well, just stuff I wrote. It's true- I'm not good at resting. But I guess I'm not very good at taking my own advice either. All the intended rest I wrote about focusing on went out the window last week. As Thanksgiving approached and I realized this would be my last big cooking hurrah for a couple of years, I was inspired to go overboard on preparations for the holiday.

But really, this time I am done. I got it out of my system. As I greet this week with a sense of cooking "hangover", I realize that I have to slow down. My body and these babies won't have it any other way. This "multiples" pregnancy is really starting to feel like one.

Oh To Be Carrying 2....

2009-11-03T22:26:00.003-05:00

I'm neither a good sick person, nor a good patient. Sitting and resting is not something I prefer over daily projects, things-to-do lists, cooking, going out, and the list goes on. I am beginning to realize that I am going to have to change my outlook and lifestyle in a big way. As my belly grows at an alarming rate, I am realizing that my ability to "do" is going to be greatly altered; in fact, it already has been.

I am quite hopeful that bed rest is not in my future, but I am also realizing that my activity and the amount of time I spend resting will greatly influence this. Currently, I am forcing myself to sit on the couch and watch TV...

If my VPN keeps working, I may even get to blog a bit more.

2009-10-31T00:10:00.002-04:00

While I love my friend the VPN- it is not a perfect tool. Frustration with connectivity problems, combined with insane life change has kept me from blogging for close to 4 months. I am up and running here and I make no lofty promises. Picasa web albums doesn't work well with the VPN, so I haven't been able to access my albums. I don't even remember what pictures I posted last.

We were really hopeful that the mainland's Internet blocking would ease up after the big October holiday, but there are no signs that this will happen. So for now, I will make the best out of what I have.

The last several months have been a blur of activity. We moved to the other side of Shanghai, went back to the US, and had family in town for the last two weeks. Oh, then there's the fact that I have made it through the first trimester of my pregnancy. I am currently 16 weeks pregnant with twins! Pretty crazy changes ahead. I have had a relatively easy pregnancy thus far. Aside from the impending mass of belly that I expect to have, all is going well.

Transition seems to be the theme in life for me and Phil. I'm hoping to take the next couple of weeks to enjoy the fall weather, get caught up, and carve out a little sense of grounding.

Catch Up

2009-07-09T03:18:00.003-04:00

Wow! Have I mentioned how good it is to be back up and running? While the mainland's controls are getting tighter, I can breathe a sigh of relief for our new found friend the VPN. It's the most worthwhile $60 we've spent in a long time.

I feel a bit like I'm getting back on a bike after not riding one for a long time. (For those of you who despise cheesy parallels- know that good sense has not prevailed and I may take this to a nauseating level.) My writing feels a bit rusty and my thoughts are swerving from one side to the other. I am confident, however, that writing will feel like an old friend again soon.

Phil and I have done so much since I last posted an update with any substance. I could go back and try to recover thoughts or memories of these moments, but I don't think I will do them justice. I've never been very good at writing things simply to write them.

Shortly after we returned home from our trip to the UK (1 week to be precise), Phil's sister Elizabeth and her husband Steve came to stay with us in Shanghai for 1 month. I managed to get over jet lag, put some clean sheets on their bed, and put 2 of our 5 picasa web albums up from our trip before they arrived; but that's about it. I can't believe a month has already gone by, but it has, and they returned home to the States earlier this week.

So now I am playing catch up. I almost have the last of the photos from our trip to Ireland, England, and Scotland on Picasa. I will try to get the next batch from our travels and time with Steve and Elizabeth uploaded by next week. Until then, I will refrain from those stories until there are proper pictures to accompany them.

2009-06-30T20:24:00.003-04:00

We're back from our Yellow Mountain adventure and I have a new appreciation for the human body. 20 miles and 5 days later, the remnants of our trip still ache in my calves. I fear we may have scarred Steve and Elizabeth on our latest trip, but I am certain it will remain a bonding moment for all of us.

We are in the last week of Steve and Elizabeth's 1 month stay here in Shanghai. The time has flown by so quickly and we still have much to do and see.

On Monday, we collected our tailor made clothing from the fabric market along with a few other trinkets. Yesterday, we spent some time at the Propaganda Poster Art Museum followed by a stop at one of our favorite local tea shops. Today, we will head to the local market/bazaar for some last minute shopping. Tomorrow we will visit an art community to peer into the lives and works of local artists in Shanghai; and the list goes on.

We are sad to see them go next week, but in the meantime- we will enjoy the time we have together.

We're Back!

2009-06-24T19:40:00.002-04:00

It's so good to be back online. The Great Wall has been blocking access to all blogs since our return home from the UK. The usual back and forth that would happen with site blocking seems quite permanent at this point. When I realized that google and Gmail were being blocked last night- it was the last straw. I bit the bullet, paid for the anonymity, and the rest is history. I'm back and I am looking forward to posting again.

The last few months have been very busy. Phil and I spent 15 days in the UK and Ireland visiting friends, traveling the countryside, and relaxing. One week after our return home, Phil's sister and husband came to stay with us for a month. We are 2 1/2 weeks into their China adventure and preparing to go to Yellow Mountain today for a long weekend.

Once we get back, I will post more.

Undercurrent

2009-05-04T03:38:00.004-04:00

Time seems to be the theme of many of my writings lately. Living in Shanghai presents the average expat with a variety of new hurdles to jump. Coming from a convenience driven culture, into one that thinks the idea of a drive-through restaurant is absurd at best; many of us have learned that the good old days of quick convenience and multi-tasking-feats-of-genius are gone. Here, are the days of whittling away at a once laughable to-do list, and feeling (though shamefully) a sense of accomplishment because we managed to pay a bill, buy a loaf of bread, and make dinner all in one day!

This is my life. I find myself feeling stuck in a bubble of things that are relatively easy and manageable, wondering why I feel such a sense of pressure and loss of time. Poor time management skills is the answer my brain has been trained to resort to. So time management is my focus. I wake up earlier, get to the gym faster, move my class time to fit more in ahead of it, go through the ritual of crossing things off a task list, and strategically plan my trips to the grocery store with maximum impact planning and shopping. In spite of my greatest efforts at productivity, I am still grappling with an immense sense of "to-do overload".

After speaking with a friend today, I had a realization. As we were discussing the unique experience of an expat living abroad in any country for any length of time; she said "there is always an undercurrent of tension while living here, we just grow numb to it". The day to day insanities of living in Shanghai bother us less, not because we are completely accustomed to them; but because we have to learn to live with them in order to thrive. It occurred to me a short while after our conversation just how much this coping mechanism plays into my life and current challenges.

When I see a baby in her mom's arms on the front of a bicycle being driven by another during rush hour traffic, I don't think it's OK- it just is. When I see an 8 year old girl begging in the street, I know that she was likely abducted from her rural village and brought into the city to make money; so I don't give her any. If I did, it would only go to her captors. I tell myself that's just the way it is. When I hear stories of expat men leaving their families after years of marriage, to then move in with their Chinese girlfriend 20 years their junior, I am bothered...but that's just the way some people are. When I see brothels on virtually every street around my complex, I try to recognize these girls as victims. In my home country, I could do something to shut a brothel down, but here I cannot... and that's just the way it is.

Some days I just stay in my home so I can breathe and have space from what I call the insanity of this bustling city. Most expats do.

There are so many brilliant and wonderful things about this city and country, and I try to focus on those. But the fact is, it can be easy to lose sight of all of the wonderful in the midst of all of the tragic; and so we grow numb, fatigued and even irritable at times. For now, I will continue to do my best to live and thrive within the tension of my own Western expectations and the realities of the foreign land in which I live.

After all, I have bills to pay, a language to study, and dinner to make.

2009-04-29T08:29:00.002-04:00

It's been a while since I've had time to sit in my pajamas, sip wine, listen to music, and work on photos. There is something incredibly indulgent and care-free about this, and I have to say it is one of my favorite things to do.

__________________________________________

That was a few days ago, and I am already into a new week here. The photos of our trip to Fujian province are done, and you can see them if you go to the photo link to the right.

Hope you enjoy!

-Phil and Jen

Peeking Through the Fog

2009-04-10T21:08:00.003-04:00

It's Saturday morning here in Shanghai. As the sun attempts to break through the morning fog, I am given a wonderful metaphor for the past week. My house is a mess, dishes are piled in the sink, children's books are strewn on the floor, and the looming To-Do list doesn't look much different from the beginning of the week. The sun is however, beginning to peek through the mess.

After a solid half day of writing, I finished 2 articles and sent them to my editor on time. I also managed, by no small miracle, to get our flights to the UK booked and paid for (I could write an entire blog on what it's like to try to book and pay for airline tickets while living in China, but you might not believe me). So there are 2 major tasks I can check off the To-Do list.

I've started tutoring some children in English 5 days/ week, and I am continuing to study Mandarin with my own tutor daily. Earlier this week, I arrived at the realization that I can't do all of this, run a house, maintain blogs, write for the magazine, exercise, serve in the various groups I serve in, and be a good wife- without some help. Due to the nature of Phil's 13-15 hour days here, we really try not to have anything for him to do on the household front. So...Phil and I have decided we need to hire someone full-time to help me with cooking, cleaning, and grocery errands.

Now, if I could just find the time to do this...

2009-04-09T00:55:00.002-04:00

I will try to blog more specifically in the next few days. Without my knowledge, much of the week has slipped away. Phil and I returned home late Monday night from a wonderful 3 day trip through Fujian Province, and I haven't stopped since. While on vacation, we traveled to see the famous Earth Houses of the Hakka people (considered by UNESCO as one of the 8 wonders of the world); hiked; and stayed overnight on a rather European influenced island named Gulangyu.

I am currently trying to work on photos and will be back to blog more specifically in the next week. For now, laundry, bills, house cleaning, Chinese class, English students, and a few articles require my attention.

We hope that wherever you are in the world- you are enjoying Spring (Autumn for our Aussie friends)!

Phil and Jen

Synapse to Synapse

2009-04-01T04:20:00.002-04:00

My brain has gone on strike. I have studied Chinese for the last 4 hours and it will not take in any more information. The characters have taken on a life of their own. Somewhere along the synapse road to my brain there has been a massive pile- up, and the characters that once formed words and sentences have taken on the form of a mangled wreck. I had to take a break from Chinese, so I thought this might be a good time to catch up on some blogging. I can't guarantee that this will be entirely coherent either, but I suppose sharing my incoherent ramblings is also part of the experience of living here in China.

Phil and I are getting ready to go on a short vacation here in China. We will take the long weekend and go to Fujian province where we will see traditional Hakka style houses, drive through the scenic mountains, and visit an island. In all honesty, I don't have a clear picture of what we will be doing, because we decided to join friends on their itinerary at the last minute. I have done just enough research though, to gather that this is an incredibly beautiful, historically rich part of China- and I can't wait!

That's all I have for now. I should post photos of our Fujian trip sometime next week.

-Phil and Jen

2009-03-21T03:37:00.001-04:00

Make a Smilebox slideshow

2009-03-19T09:16:00.003-04:00

It's been a while since I've blogged. In usual fashion, life is busy and I'm finding it difficult to balance and prioritize. School is crazy for me right now. I've been in class for almost 4 weeks and have already learned over 250 characters. My head is spinning and I find it difficult to process coherent thought after sitting and writing characters for hours. If only I had 10 extra hours in the day!

Last weekend we celebrated my birthday with some friends. Phil surprised me with a small intimate event at the house with a few good friends. We had a caterer come to the house and prepare canapes and small bites. Everyone brought a bottle of wine and a favorite cheese to start things off and we spent the rest of the night eating, enjoying each other, and taking in the view of the bund from our 55th floor apartment. It really was a wonderful night. I have posted some photos on our Picasa web album to the right.

For now, we are trying to maintain balance and clarity in our insanely busy lives. We are working hard to carve out time for our marriage and our friendships. Hopefully, we will eventually be able figure out how to fit further explorations into the mix. At the moment- I am just trying to find contentment in the craziness.

2009-03-04T09:02:00.003-05:00

It's a little after 10 pm on Wednesday March 4th, and my brain has checked out. Giving up all hope that I will think clearly (or see straight) any longer, I have stopped working on my current article about Paris. The deadline is drawing near, and though I see no other opportunity to finish it before then- tonight is certainly not the night.

I won't complain though. As I find little mindless activites to keep me awake- my husband is sitting at his laptop working.

Waiting and Wondering

2009-02-25T04:47:00.003-05:00

It’s difficult to find the right words to describe how I feel right now. The waiting, the wondering and doubt swirl around in my mind. Emotions, many contrary to one another, take turns vying for my attention. This myriad of emotions has lain to waste any clear thoughts or ability to concentrate. The result of all of this is tension; immeasurable tension.

The “economic crisis” as so many have coined, is taking an entirely different toll on our community of expatriate workers and families. Our little community of 300,000 (keep in mind this is a city of 22 million) is being sent home in droves. What was once a small trickle of foreigners in and out of Shanghai, has by all appearances, become a mass exodus back to home countries.

Many people have returned to uncertainty in their home countries, while others have chosen the uncertainty of Shanghai. Those who remain here pare down and try to live a more “local” lifestyle.

Now allow me to be frank here. Most of us in this community of expatriates live lives of blissful excess. Many of us enjoy lifestyles far beyond those we lived in our home countries. We live it up, and we do so because we have been given the opportunity from a few different angles. One is from the desire to find comfort in an incredibly uncomfortable place. Pair that desire with many comforts found at a fraction of the cost and... voila! The other comes from the system we were moved into.

The system we were moved into was born, in part, out of necessity. Ten years ago, Shanghai was nowhere near the city it is today. There was an excellent reason, when moving foreigners here, that they would be surrounded by people who could help them communicate, as well as be provided with all of the creature comforts one could afford. The times have changed a bit though. And while newcomers still need much of the assistance translators and a point person for daily dealings can provide, those who have been here for a while could arguably make it on their own.

While jobs back home are being cut on a worrying scale, the expatriate community feels like a group of sitting ducks. Many are thinking of what they will do in a “worst case scenario”, and hopefully most of us are rethinking our lifestyles and the cost of all of this “expat living”.

Plan B

2009-02-20T21:57:00.007-05:00

I'm not sure where to begin. The weather is always a notable subject here in Shanghai, so perhaps I will start there. For the first day in a week, the sun is shining down on the city, and I must say it is a very welcomed sight.

Phil is out this morning and I will join him in a few hours with my camera to wander the city and see what photographic delights can be captured. For now I thought I would catch up on some blogging and writing.

Life has been very busy for Phil and me. It seems like we returned home from the States months ago, but we have only been back for two weeks. I started full time mandarin classes two weeks ago. It is great and mind numbing all at the same time. My Chinese is improving and my English is worsening; which leaves me in a state of speaking poorly in both languages. I've never enjoyed walking around in such a mental stupor, but I know this is the initial fruit of such labor.

On another note, the economic state of affairs has the expat community in a constant state of tension- with each family and individual wondering if they will have a job tomorrow. Many people we know and call friends have been sent home. Phil and I are no different from anyone else. We know very well that what is here today may be gone tomorrow. We are just trying to enjoy every day and have a “plan B” in the event that we need one.

So for now, I should get out and wander about...taking in all that the city has to offer.

-Jen

Valentine's Day

2009-02-13T23:36:00.002-05:00

The grey fog of winter has once again rested itself upon the city. It turns out that the beautiful spring-like weather we had been experiencing was a mere tease. Days like these make Phil and I want to curl up, order take-out, and watch a movie. Today is a different day however. Phil and I, both feeling a bit stir-crazy, have this unusual desire to get dressed up and go out for a night on the town. So, considering the fact that it is Valentine's Day (a holiday we would normally never celebrate), we thought it a great excuse to make reservations at one of our favorite Western restaurants. I can already taste the bread and olive oil, the wine, and ooh the mango souffle!

Since I already know what I'm going to eat, I should probably figure out what I am going to wear...

Perhaps I should unpack one of these days...

2009-02-12T01:29:00.002-05:00

Life is back in full swing here in Shanghai. I am a bit exhausted, but loving it nonetheless. I started my first week of full-time Mandarin classes and I couldn't be more thrilled. I love it. It's a bit challenging this week because I have had a crazy schedule in combination with jet lag and a no carb diet. I think my teacher wonders if I have a brain at all. I am beginning to wonder the same.

I just returned from a meeting in the center of the city. The weather is amazing and gorgeous! Considering I left the land of frozen tundra a mere five days ago, the 70 degrees we are experiencing here seems all the more miraculous.

Days like today make me want to grab my camera and go wander the streets. I should probably unpack my bags from our home trip before I go and do that though....

Off to do some unpacking.

Back Home

2009-02-09T18:56:00.006-05:00

We're back from the US. I enjoyed my trip home. I loved seeing family and friends and spending time with the people we love.

I am really happy to be back in Shanghai though. After 2.5 weeks and 7 different beds, my body and mind needed my bed, my home, and my routines. I wouldn't describe myself as a creature of habit, but living the life of an expatriate and traveling as much as we are blessed to; has certainly brought out more of my "routine prone" side.

Phil and I flew into Shanghai on Sunday afternoon and went right into the swing of things on Monday morning. Phil went into work and has an insanely full schedule. I am starting my full time Mandarin lessons this afternoon (poor teacher gets my jet-lagged brain for a few more days :). It's as if time didn't stop- we just slotted right back into the insanity of our lives here... And I love it!

-Phil and Jen

Shanghai Resolution

2009-01-15T18:24:00.002-05:00

The week has, in usual fashion, flown by. In a little over four days- Phil and I will be boarding a plane and going back to the States for a visit. There has been much to do in preparation, and the list has barely shortened. So before we board our plane on Tuesday, I have a lot more to accomplish.

As I wait for my morning coffee to clear my brain and get me moving, I thought I would take a few of these early morning moments to spend some time writing.

Phil and I have entered a New Year in Shanghai. We’ve celebrated the traditional Western calendar New Year and China is gearing up to celebrate the traditional Lunar calendar New Year next week. As we symbolically welcome in the new; we are also marking the beginning of the final contract year here in Shanghai. If all goes as written in the contract, our assignment in Shanghai will be over in January of 2010. The possibility remains that his contract could be extended, but wisdom and previous experience compels us to approach the year as our final one.

It really is strange to think that we have entered our third year and could be leaving in one year’s time. But as we usher in this New Year, I am compelled more than ever to live Shanghai to the fullest. I don't do New Years resolutions, but I will do a Shanghai-to-do-resolution.

Here are some of our Shanghai To Do's:
-Focus on Mandarin studies (learn at least 300 characters and be conversational within 3 months)
-Focus on Baobei foundation and work to find critically ill orphans surgery and healing homes to recover in.
-Continue to build on friendships with people here in Shanghai.
-Spend time walking the disappearing old neighborhoods before they are gone forever.
-Take more photos.
-Get to Sichuan as a volunteer.
-Travel Asia a ton! (Cambodia, Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, Hong Kong, Xi'an, Guilin,Huangshan, etc)
-Learn to cook some serious Chinese food.
-Eat at a new restaurant every month.

More to come…

Taking It All In

2009-01-02T02:53:00.004-05:00

It seems like most of my posts begin with "we're back from___". I think this trend might paint a boring consistency over our less than boring adventures. But it's true; we are back from our latest adventure in Tibet. We descended from the "rooftop of the world" (approximately 4500 meters above sea level) on New Year's Eve- and haven't really left the comfort of our home or pajama's since.

Our trip to this far corner of the world has proven to be one of my favorite adventures yet. I will admit that the idea of going to a place 4500 meters above sea level in the middle of winter did not really appeal to me at first. In fact, it didn't really appeal to me until our plane landed in Lhasa. As we touched down, I thought to myself "this is a really amazing and rare opportunity- and probably not a trip many foreigners have taken".

As soon as the plane landed, I could feel the heavy pressure of high altitude on my body. I wondered to myself if I was imagining these sensations; but the short and slow walk into the airport left me breathless, and I knew then it was not in my mind alone.

After gathering our luggage we were met by our local tour guide Thun Drup and our driver Pu Pu. As is custom in Tibetan culture- guests are greeted by receiving a white scarf, which is loosely placed around the neck. After this warm welcome; we were escorted to our bus, offered some tea and fruit, then taken to the hotel for a rest and opportunity to acclimatize.

The following 4 days consisted of a trip to Potala Palace; a drive to Kampala high pass at 4750 meters; a tour of Jokhang monastery; a trip to and trek around Ganden monastery at 4500 meters; a tour of a local family home, and general wandering about Lhasa.

While it is difficult to sum up this trip in a few short words, I haven't really begun to process through all that we were privileged to see. So it seems that a few short words are all that I have for now.

In the meantime- enjoy the photos from our recent adventure!

-Phil and Jen

The Rooftop of the World

2008-12-26T07:54:00.003-05:00

Well, we made it safely to the rooftop of the world. After experiencing crushing fatigue and shortness of breath- I am starting to feel better. We arrived this afternoon and have been taking it easy. After a wonderful dinner (I had Indian/Nepalese and Phil had a traditional Tibetan yak potato stew- which was YUMMY)-we all came back to the hotel to rest. So far, it seems like a beautiful place. The people are friendly and smiling; the food is great,and the scenery is beautiful.

We'll post pictures as soon as we can.

-Phil and Jen

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-23T01:49:00.000-05:00

Make a Smilebox postcard

Baby It's Cold Outside

2008-12-21T20:27:00.004-05:00

The temperature has dropped 20 degrees in the last 12 hours. Phil called me this morning to tell me that it was snowing in his area of the city. Did I mention it doesn't snow in this city?

In the meantime, I will remain tucked away in my apartment baking and preparing for Christmas parties all week. Christmas certainly isn't the same here in Shanghai though. As much as I try to decorate, bake, listen to Christmas music, and make our favorite foods- Christmas just won't be the same without our family.

We are grateful, however, because we have been incredibly blessed with good friends here in Shanghai who we will celebrate this season with.

Phil and I hope the same for you, and want to wish all of you a happy, healthy and blessed Christmas and New Year!

Phil and Jen

Shanghai Blizzards

2008-12-18T01:52:00.011-05:00

The weather has been unusually beautiful all week. Sunshine, blue skies and 50 degree temperatures have been gracing Shanghai with their presence. Today is a very different day however. Alas, I fear the winter fog is upon us.

Saturday has ushered in a fog so thick it seems to have swallowed the city. As I look out the window of my apartment into the void of white- I feel strangely cut off and isolated from the bustling world that lay beneath.

Days like today are like snowstorms back in Michigan. Shanghai doesn't really experience snow, and on the rare occasion that it does- the snow fades away in hours. So I will call this fog a blizzard. After all, like a snowstorm, these fog blizzards makes you feel sleepy and lethargic; wanting nothing more than to curl up on the couch and watch a good movie.

2008-12-16T00:40:00.002-05:00

The couch and I have been spending some quality time together over the last two days. I have succumbed to the head cold everyone else in this city seems to have. As long as I am done with this whole thing by next Friday when Phil and I leave for Tibet, I will be happy. In the meantime, I am catching up on some much needed useless television watching, laying around, and over-eating.

Once I get past this- I have much preparing to do. As I mentioned above, Phil and I have decided to go on holiday in Tibet. We will leave the day after Christmas, but before we go-there are much Christmas shenanigans to be had. In the spirit of celebrating, we have been planning and attending a few Christmas parties this month and still have a few more to go.

Last week I hosted a Christmas cookie exchange at my house and it inspired me to eat (actually, I meant to say bake; eat was so much more accurate though ;)). I have been inspired to bake an array of family favorites for our Christmas celebration with friends next week.

Maybe after all this eating, a hike in Tibet is just what I need.

Just a little something in the meantime...

2008-12-14T22:01:00.002-05:00

I am long overdue for a blog update. It has been a busy couple of weeks since we got back from Paris. In the spirit of the holidays, Phil and I decided it was important to celebrate this year. You may be thinking "duh, no-brainer here", but things in this city are far more complicated than I can even communicate to you. A decision to go out in search of a Christmas tree, it's trimmings, and all that entails- is something many who live here would prefer only to having their teeth pulled out without drugs.

You think I am being dramatic, I know. I wish I were. I can tell you that the result of my two weeks of searching and scouring the city for decent decorations, has led to a fairly acceptable jewel toned tree and wreath (I know you're thinking- "Phil and Jen, yeah I can see them going for the jewel tones?!"), as well as a holiday luncheon and cookie exchange party. On the other end of those grand accomplishments- me with a cold and a desire to hole up in my apartment for the next month. I am a bit "done" with China for the next few days. I am ready for a break, and the ensuing cold tells me that my body is as well.

Happy Holidays! :)

2008-12-02T20:22:00.004-05:00

BACK FROM PARIS

December is here, and I can't believe how quickly the latter half of this year has flown by. We have been back from Paris for a few days now and I think I am finally getting over it. Granted- things still don't taste right, but my taste buds should start compromising soon enough.

I finished our photo album from our trip- so check out the album titled Amsterdam- Paris...

CHRISTMAS IN SHANGHAI

The holidays are approaching, and I have to say that Christmas in Shanghai is so far from normal, it's hard to even call it Christmas. Last year, I made the mistake of not putting a lot of energy into celebrating the holidays, and I really regret it. This is a new year though and I have learned from previous mistakes... so holiday merrymaking- here we come!

Christmas can't possibly be the same as it is when we are home with family, friends, familiar foods and decorations, but I have to work with what I have. So my $10 seriously fake tree that's missing a leg (gotta love China)- is waiting in the living room for a creative fix and some new ornaments. Phil and I will have our annual fondue and decorating party this Friday, so I need to get to IKEA (the one easy and decent place for Christmas decorations) to purchase all of my lights and ornaments by Friday.

I have also decided to give my annual cookie exchange party a try here in Shanghai. Due to the hurting economy, many of our friends are staying here for the holidays- so when I put the idea for the cookie exchange out there, I had a surprising amount of interest.

I am even thinking of hosting a holiday pot luck or dinner of some sort. A friend of mine let me borrow her holiday edition of Good Housekeeping that someone brought back from the States, and I am inspired! I can't tell you how comforting it is to thumb through pages of cookies, holiday recipes, and gift ideas. I don't even mind Paula Deen's somewhat sacrilegious approach to food- afterall, she is wearing a most festive red sequin top and Santa hat. I mean who could hold her reference to dark chocolate and red wine as being "nasty" against such a cutely clad little lady? Ahh, holiday cheer...

Nothing Tastes as it Should

2008-12-01T02:15:00.003-05:00

It's Tuesday morning here in Shanghai and nothing tastes right! I can't seem to make a drinkable cup of coffee, and it's driving me crazy.

We've been back from Paris for 2 days now. Shanghai has been kind upon our return. The weather has been beautiful- with blue skies and 60 degree days since our return. But everything tastes awful! For any of you who have eaten your way through France like Phil and I just attempted to do- you might be able to appreciate my sentiments. For those of you who have lived in China and have been forced to dumb down your taste and food expectations in order to "enjoy" western food here- you can also appreciate where I am coming from. For the rest of you- you are wondering what the heck I am rambling on about...perhaps even thinking I am crazy.

Thanksgiving in Paris

2008-11-27T11:01:00.003-05:00

It's Thanksgiving and Phil and I are in Paris. I have to say that the next best thing to being home with our family enjoying pumpkin pie and turkey, is being here in Paris enjoying the amazing food, rich history, and romantic streets.

This morning I traveled to the other side of Paris for a morning market tour/ cooking class. We have spent the last four days ravenously exploring the city sites. We have climbed the Eiffel Tower, toured the city by bike at night, visited the Notre Dam, seen the Sacre Coeur, wandered the streets of the Latin Quarter, cruised along the Seine at night, visited the Palace of Versailles, and the list goes on. I have to say that of all of the sites we visited and all of the things we have done- the cooking class was my absolute favorite thing on this trip.

Food is the heartbeat of culture; particularly French culture. I feel like more than any other time in this trip, I was able to truly experiene the essence and heartbeat of French culture.

Off to the next adventure!

Phil and Jen

Amsterdam

2008-11-22T00:18:00.002-05:00

Phil and I arrived in Amsterdam yesterday afternoon. As we walked through the airport I was amazed to see all of the Christmas decorations. Living in a land that only celebrates the holidays as a commercial enterprise (and not even that well), it was really refreshing to see proof of holiday celebration all around me.

After dropping off our luggage and meeting up with some friends, we were off to find some food. Having settled on simple pub grub at an Irish pub, we cozied into a corner booth and placed our orders. I looked around the dimly lit pub and marveled at how festive it was. Christmas trees, garland, and wreaths covered the place from floor to ceiling. It was the perfect atmosphere. As temperatures dropped and snow fell outside, we were warming up under the dim glow of the Christmas lights; Belgian ales in hand, and a little Johnny Cash on the radio... all was well in my world.

-Jen

Ciao!

2008-11-19T01:14:00.003-05:00

It's a sunny and beautiful Wednesday afternoon here in Shanghai. I made it through the last week and now I can start packing for our trip to Paris! After finishing an article over a week past its deadline, speaking in front of more that 500 people (just an announcement in front of church), celebrating my 6 year wedding anniversary, playing catch up on a weeks worth of reading, and finally taking my final test for Mandarin class; I can focus on the important task ahead- my trip to Paris.

So here I am, sitting at my dining table looking out onto the sun kissed city, listening to a little Billie Holiday- dreaming of the crepes, macaroons, and brie that will soon pass my lips. If food were a love language, I think it would be mine. Perhaps this is the real reason Paris is referred to as a city of love. It's not the beautiful architecture, or the magical way the city lights up at night. It's not the Eiffel Tower or even the magnificent Palace of Versailles- it's the pain au chocolat made every morning before dawn, the baskets brimming with crusty baguettes, the crepes of any imaginable filling, and oh...the macaroons ;) I can almost smell it all now.

Right- so by now you've gathered that I really like food and I am also really excited about our trip to France. Both observations are correct. Phil and I will be meeting with our friends Will and Jen in Amsterdam- where we will have just enough time to stroll the canals, eat some pommes frites with mayonnaise, and find our favorite schwarma vendor. After a day or so in Amsterdam, we will drive through Belgium and stay overnight in Brugge. In Belgium, we will visit the Chimay brewery restaurant to taste some of our favorite beer. What better way to enjoy your favorite beer, than to go right to the source! From Belgium, we will drive to Paris and spend the rest of our time there.

I say let the gastronomique journey begin!

Ciao!

-Phil and Jen

The Review Is In! Mom Shares her "View from Here"

2008-11-01T06:57:00.002-04:00

My trip to Shanghai has come to a close and I have had time to reflect upon my adventure. To begin, I arrived in Shanghai with very few expectations. I was most struck by its’ cosmopolitan air. I recall the same physical sense when in New York City but with many more people. If you have ever stood in Time’s Square on Saturday night in Manhattan, imagine adding ten times the number of people; not just in one spot, but everywhere. Traffic in Shanghai is a sight to behold. Vehicles can pretty much park anywhere. If you can’t find a spot, just park on the sidewalk. Any cabbie from Shanghai would find driving in NYC boring and not the least bit challenging. The streets are filled with people walking, riding bicycles, and riding, sometimes 3-4, on one moped-like vehicle, as well as buses of all kinds, shapes and sizes. At first the chaos made my head swim and resulted in a few actual nightmares. After a few days though, I realized that despite no traffic rules and an inherent insanity, an “organized chaos” existed and I could learn to just go with the flow. Jen coined the term “organized chaos” and it brought me a reconciled comfort.

I returned from Shanghai with many gifts, literally and figuratively. I love to shop and I love a bargain. The many marketplaces Jen and I and sometimes Philip visited were incredible and indescribable. You haven’t lived until you have seen Jen “bargain”. She has become a pro and her command of Mandarin is awesome. Her energy kept me going when I was on “overload”. My favorite shopping experience was the fabric market where I had a few things made to order; and very inexpensively thanks again to the queen of bargaining.

The exploration of tea and tea-drinking was another true gift. Jen and Philip shared their “tea lady” and her shop with me and we sipped tea, learned about tea pots and had an awesome time. I also attended a “tea-party” hosted by Jen and attended by her friends, myself and the “tea guru”. We drank teas and learned about tea types and their health benefits, regions growing tea and tea politics. It was an inspiring afternoon. I am grateful to have come home with the gift of incorporating tea into my daily life.

Another treasured gift of my stay was an increased knowledge of Shanghai and Chinese Culture and history. We went on two tours, one with a famous photographer/historian named Gang Feng Wang. He toured us through an area of disappearing Shukimen-housing where he grew up. The other tour was through the old Jewish ghettos with a photo journalist named Dvir Bar-Gal. These were walking tours and both placed indelible marks in my memory. For example, I had no idea of the role Shanghai played during WW 2. Shanghai was one of only 2 open-ports in the world to harbor refugees. I never learned that in history class. That was just the tip of the proverbial iceberg of what I learned. For me the most profound overall cultural/historical view was the juxtaposition of old and new Shanghai, with emphasis on a disappearing old. There is little respect for the past and its history and although a few are fighting to preserve some structures, old Shanghai is being torn down 24 hours a day seven days a week. The sad part is the Shanghainese do not know much about their own rich history. I am so grateful to have seen it before it is gone. Hint, Hint.

The greatest gift of all was the time spent with Jen and Phil. Unfortunately Philip had to work. Did I mention how hard he works? He works from early morning to evening and then conference calls in the late evening because of the 12 hour time difference. Weekends are also filled with potential calls etc. What a guy!!!! Jen and I realized that we had not been together for a long time period since she was a little girl. I truly enjoyed my daughter and the kind woman she has become. I had fun with her. Did I mention she can really cook? The kids fed me, cared for me and treated me with such kindness. Did I mention the accommodations? The apartment they live in is just beautiful. I had my own room with private shower/bath. I was a queen! They live on the 55th floor overlooking the Bund. The view is wonderful. You could spend the day/night watching boats, ships, lights etc.

I am so thankful to Jen and Phil and their graciousness. This was an opportunity NOT to be missed.

WANTED: Family and friends to visit Shanghai. Stay in luxury accommodations overlooking the Bund. Tour with young, knowledgeable couple possessing very good Mandarin skills excited by the community and culture. Explore local history. Major opportunity for phenomenal photos. Extraordinary shopping, great food. Guarantee: You will never be the same. Make reservations before your opportunity slips away.
Could you pass up an ad like this?

Obviously, I had an awesome trip. I would go back in a heartbeat. I am already saving my vacation time at work……just in case there is a vacancy.

Geraldine

Some new photo's from our latest adventures...

2008-10-29T07:35:00.003-04:00

Phil and I just got back from a trip to Guizhou. We spent 4 days in the province visiting the Miao ethnic minority people and some of their villages. This was my second visit to the region, but only the first for Phil. I traveled there for the Sister's Festival in May and this time we returned to attend the Lusheng Festival. Lusheng is the name of the long reed pipe, a traditional instrument of the Miao, and you can see it in some of the photo's in our new album titled "Guizhou Lusheng Festival".

Hope you enjoy!

-Phil and Jen

2008-10-23T01:55:00.002-04:00

I know I promised the next blog entry would be from my mom, but alas- she needs more time. She claims she doesn't have the "gift" I do. What she means by "gift", is actually the ability to use a computer to type out her thoughts. Sorry mom... I had to tell. And perhaps through this little jab, the arrival of promised "review of Shanghai" has been ensured.

I dropped my mother off at the airport yesterday morning and returned home to my couch. I am fighting off the same cold half of Shanghai has right now.

On a more interesting note, Phil and I leave tomorrow for a weekend trip to Guizhou. Some of you may remember reading about my trip to this region in May of this year. I went as part of a tour group to see the Miao ethnic minority Sister's Festival. I was so struck by the beauty of it all and I really wanted Phil to have the same experience, so now we will return to see another famous festival of the same minority group.

I hope to have a lot of pictures from this trip and will post them when we return.

Have a great weekend!

-Phil and Jen

A Tourist in My Own City

2008-10-18T23:33:00.003-04:00

What a week it has been! My mother arrived in Shanghai on Friday the 10th of October, and we haven't stopped going since! We have been adventuring about Shanghai for the last week, and it has been great. I have seen parts of the city that I had never seen before, explored neighborhoods and areas completely new to me, and learned a great deal more about how amazing this city really is.

Phil and I have been living here for over a year and a half, and we have been waiting to do a lot of things until we had guests. The thought of doing the same tour 5 times wasn't all that appealing, so I had been making a list of all the things to do- and waiting until we actually had someone come visit... enter my mother.

As soon as she arrived, we began making plans and focusing on the things she really wanted to see. We had an educational afternoon of Chinese tea tasting. We had a tour of Shanghai's disappearing Shikumen housing with the famous Shanghainese photographer, Gang Feng Wang. We have sipped beer while getting Chinese foot massages. We have shopped and visited the historical Yu Gardens and sipped tea in it's old tea house. We have stuffed ourselves on Indian buffet. Yesterday we went on an amazing historical tour of the Jewish Ghetto's with the Israeli journalist, Dvir Bar-Gal. Today we will go for Chinese foot and body massages, wander around the French Concession, and go to a favorite Irish pub for Guinness and fish-n-chips. All in all- it's been great.

I am going to have my mom blog later tonight. We will post some photos and get her "visitors perspective". Should be interesting to see how Shanghai rates in her book. More to come...

2008-10-07T04:44:00.003-04:00

If I don't take this moment to blog- I may never get around to it. Phil and I got back from a beautiful trip to the Maldives late last week. The Maldives, a little known place among Americans, is a group of over 1192 islets spread across the Indian Ocean. One fine day, we happened to find ourselves on one of the only 250 inhabited islands, in our very own private ocean villa. It was breathtaking and wonderful! When we weren't eating, we were snorkeling. When we weren't snorkeling, we were eating. Food and snorkeling. Rough life I know.

Now we are back in Shanghai and preparing for a visitor- my mother. It will be the first of our family to come and visit us, and we are looking forward to showing her around this crazy city. Before she comes though, I have a lot to do. It's funny how house guests will motivate you to unpack those last few boxes you have been meaning to unpack for months.

Phil and I are also in the last stages of gathering documents for our dossier. For those of you who don't know, Phil and I have decided to pursue adoption here in China. We are very excited, but the journey has just begun. Once we get all of the paperwork done and off to necessary government entities- we will start a special adoption related blog. Until then, we have approximately 3 months of waiting ahead of us. Then we will find out if we get approved for the adoption. Needless to say, it has been very busy and stressful around here!

We hope you all are doing well. Feel free to email Phil or myself and we'll be more than happy to get back to you more specifically.

-Phil and Jen

OK- so my shins were sweating the other day...

2008-09-18T20:18:00.003-04:00

With temperatures well into the 80's and humidity so high your shins sweat- I am seriously looking forward to the autumn weather here in Shanghai. So back to the part about shins sweating- I'm not kidding. Phil and I were out and about in the city the other day and I couldn't stand it anymore. Every part of my body felt smothered in heat. I realized that my shins were sweating and wasn't sure if I ever really felt that before. I decided to add that to the list of "you know it's hot when...".

That aside, hints of autumn are in the air. Skies are a little more bluish, the air is a little less stifling, and people are out and about in greater numbers. This is the time of year when you remember there really are 22 million people in this city.

Phil and I find ourselves at the 18 month mark in this adventure and I'm not sure how I feel about it. The time has really flown by. Here we are realizing that we're halfway through our assignment, and there is still so much we want to see and do. We have many travel hopes and plans as well as some personal goals we would like to see realized before we move on from Shanghai.

We are getting ready to take a much needed vacation- our first of this year in fact. I have been able to travel a bit on my own, but between our home leaves and his new job- we haven't had any time to travel together on our own. I can't wait!

I really hope to be able to blog more often and post more photos- it's just so busy here and when I sit down to write, I realize it's been a month since I last wrote (one of those personal goals I previously mentioned).

Well- off to do some work. More later...

2008-08-27T08:54:00.003-04:00

It's peach season here in Shanghai, and compliments of my friend Anne- I just finished eating one of these famous peaches. I have to say, it was the closest thing to chocolate I could eat and enjoy on such a level without actually eating chocolate. Thanks Anne! Now let's see if I can avoid the bag of peanut M&Ms shoved up in the spare bedroom closet... I think I hear them calling to me now.

Why the craving you wonder? Well, thanks to our newly Olympic-inspired fitness kick, Phil and I have started playing squash. (If Phil had his way, it would be synchronized swimming- but that's another story altogether.) We are in the midst of week two of our exercise-followed-by-a- game-of-squash routine, and the old metabolism has kicked into high gear; thus, making me want to eat everything in sight. Recognizing that I am no Michael Phelps (I heard that the man eats 12,000 calories a day!)- I am trying to resist such cravings.

Perhaps you have noticed my unusual number of references to the Olympics by now? It is my small way of acknowledging that the OLYMPICS ARE FINALLY OVER AND THE KINNEY HOUSEHOLD CAN RETURN TO NORMAL! I swear- if I hear another commentator, splash of a diver, whistle, jia you (Chinese "go-go), or anything else remotely related to the Olympics here- I will scream! OK- I feel better now.

Seriously though, I did enjoy the Olympics for the first week (admittedly, I loved the men's basketball the entire time). But after the first 7-10 days, I grew weary. I had what is commonly know as "Olympic Fatigue". One true sign of this "fatigue" is: twitching at the sound of water splashing or whistles blowing. Jokes aside- deep breath; it's all over.

I wonder what China will be like now that the Olympics are done in Beijing? I have often thought of this whole process leading up to the Olympic games like a bride who has focused so much on preparing for her wedding- that she never thinks of what will happen after the big day. Coming down from all the preparation, she finds herself depressed, unprepared, and feeling lost. Could this nation face a similar crash after the high?

I certainly hope not.

A sure sign that it's hot in the city...

2008-08-18T03:51:00.004-04:00

I've been back for 2 weeks now. It's particularly strange to me how time has passed in the last two weeks. You know how people talk about time flying by while standing still? There have been points in my life where I felt this way, but I can say that I really truly feel this way right now. It almost feels like I have been stuck in an episode from the twilight zone. On one hand, it's like I just got back; on another, it's like I've been back for months.

My first week back was spent on the couch (thanks to the flu). My second week was spent making up for the month I was gone (and the week I was on the couch). I have successfully shoved a months worth of activities into one week. Needless to say, it's been tiring. Good, but tiring.

Being gone for the month of July was a nice break from Shanghai's summer heat. Until yesterday, I actually thought I might have avoided most of the suffocating heat. But alas, it has weighed it's ugly mass over the city. Just when you think it can't get hotter or more miserable- it does. One sure sign of this heat: men in nothing but their whitey tighties hanging it all out there for passersby to marvel at. And who can blame them really? 100 + degrees with equalling humidity, no air conditioning in their cramped little homes... I just might be coming out to the street in my undies looking for a little relief as well. OK, maybe not. Just trying to relate here.

Either way- it makes for interesting sightseeing and photos.

As soon as the heat lifts, I look forward to getting out and taking photos. I finally got a small camera to carry around at all times. I realize how many pictures I have missed because I didn't want to lug around the behemoth (which I love and appreciate greatly by the way). So as soon as I get the little camera back from a friend who has borrowed it, I will get back to taking pictures.

Until then...