unfinished and complete

It's been a ridiculously long time since I last posted. I have been pecking away at this anniversary piece to no avail. It doesn't flow, I can't seem to find a fitting conclusion, and the list goes on. In the interest of marking the occasion and moving on, I will post what I have completed. I wrote this approximately one week post anniversary and have been struggling with it ever since...

"It's been one year since we moved back to the United States. The 13th of May came and went without notice. Days come and go without notice more often lately than I would prefer, but such is the life of a mother with twin male 2 year olds. The inclusion of their gender is with great purpose here as I am convinced that I am dealing with behaviors unique (though not exclusive I'm sure) to males. Take for instance- the incessant need to stick all things round and small up ones nose; or the unwritten rule that all things that can- will be launched into the air; and as of this morning- we've added that all things scalable shall be scaled.

So back to this whole year-anniversary-of-repatriation-thing (get a parent going and all coherent thought is lost eh?).

I still miss China. It is less frequent and pining, but I miss it all the same. I miss our friends, our opportunities, the language, the food, the daily and often tiresome challenges of living there, and the love-hate that so many Westerners experience once they've been properly seduced.

I mark this year anniversary feeling a bit underwhelmed. Repatriation certainly has its ups and downs; but the process of settling back in with 2 toddlers, a home under renovation, and all of the additional challenges of life here on earth have made this a truly challenging year; and one I look very forward to putting behind me."

(That's it. That's all I could come up with. The writer in me is not thrilled with the abrupt end. The critic in me can't stand the negative tone. The apologist in me would like to say "sorry for talking about how much I miss China, the food and our friends... again". The perfectionist in me really hates to admit this has been such an ass dragging struggle. And on and on the merry go round goes. With so many elements fighting me on the reality of my thoughts and feelings, it's no wonder this has taken me so long to post.)

Repatriation: Tailspin

I’m in a fog these days and am therefore having a difficult time organizing my thoughts and putting them into written form. We are less than one month away from moving back to the United States and I can’t even fathom how this process will unfold and take shape. My head is spinning with lists of things to do, things to see, things to buy, people to spend time with, phone calls to make, packing lists to create; and that doesn’t even include the day to day things (like caring for, feeding, and entertaining two 13 month olds who are starting to walk)! It seems like there is far too much to do between now and then; and while I find myself working hard to stay present in this moment, the inevitable elements of planning for a future move finds me growing more and more impatient as we enter the last few weeks of this process.