Thursday, April 1, 2010

Baby Haze

We've been home for two weeks tomorrow and I have managed to survive being home with 2 newborn babies while Phil has returned to work. Survived is about the best I can say. Everyone who has had babies and particularly those who have had twins have told me- "it will get better", "the first year was a blur", etc. They aren't kidding about the blur thing and I am waiting for the get better part.

The fact that I am blogging right now is fairly remarkable, but I find that my own mental survival relies on my ability to write. I would love to start at the beginning and blog about labor and birth, premature infants and our 16 day hospital stay; but I haven't really had the opportunity to fully process those things. So instead of waiting to wade through my emotions regarding all of these things, I will just jump in and write a bit about where things are at now.

I would like to be a bit more original here, but things are essentially elbow deep in spit up, covered in breast milk, and dodging projectile elements out of every orifice. As I sit here writing, I wear the stains of baby battle on my shirt. I think the babies have won today. Other days I feel like we might be winning the battle, but the fact that I haven't showered, slept or had a sane thought all day long tells me that they are winning this round.

As we all know- having a baby is tough work. Having twins is an entirely different thing; and having them in China has taken the challenge to an entirely different level. I am fortunate and blessed to have great friends here who have really offered a lot of help. I am also fortunate to live in a country where having a nanny is incredibly affordable. I can't fathom doing any of this without that while living in a foreign country.

It's during the 3 am feedings in particular, that I sit and contemplate other twin families that I know of. Many of them live near their family and community or are in the media (and I realize that they have round the clock help). It was during one of these twilight feedings that I decided it was time to get a live in ayi. I never thought I would do it or want someone living in my home; but after the last few nights of taking on two crying, hungry babies- I say bring on the evening help!

I remember the early days when I lived in China and wasn't sure I would even hire an ayi to come clean my house let alone live in it and take care of my babies. Oh how 3 years of living in this country and giving birth to two babies will change ones mind...